In this country, 7.5 million couples share breakfast, dinner, laundry, a Netflix membership, and a bed. But they aren’t married.

According to the U.S. Census bureau, the number of cohabiting couples increased approximately 13% from 2009 to 2010. Statistics can’t always accurately unearth motivations for behavior, but researchers have been trying.

In her 2010 report for the Census Bureau, Rose M. Krieder suggests that couples are cohabiting more frequently these days due to economic strain: “Pooling resources by moving in together may be one method of coping with extended unemployment of one of the partners.” It is more practical for these couples to live together than live singly.

University of Chicago sociology professor Linda Waite suspects financial reasons for co-habiting senior citizens, too. She is quoted by the World News Service as saying: “Older adults don’t want to comingle funds, so whatever was going to their kids will still go to their kids.” It is more practical for these couples to live together than to get married.

Bottom line: cohabiting is seen as practical. Marriage? Not so much.

The trend toward moving in has been noted with alarm by a group of researchers working on the University of Virginia’s “Marriage Matters” project. Last month, they released a pamphlet detailing thirty reasons why couples should choose to head to the altar rather than merely to bed. Their focus in this, the third edition, is on the effect of cohabitation on the children of such relationships.

Their sociology-based research includes the marriage incentives: “Children are less likely to thrive in cohabiting households, compared to intact, married families,” and “marriage is an important public good, associated with a range of economic, health, educational and safety benefits.”

Obviously, these researchers are trying to convince Americans that marriage is practical.

But can they?

An honest look at marriage reveals that marriage is hard work. Professor Waite says co-habiting seniors “don’t want to recommit to caring for a sick spouse.” Deliberately choosing the imminent prospect of long-term care and emotionally exhausting end-of-life issues does not seem practical.

Marriage is also risky. Numerous women who fulfilled one purpose of marriage by bearing children, but are now raising them alone, can attest to this. Committing to someone who might leave does not seem practical.

So what would motivate someone to marry?

Marriage has a purpose. And an activity is only practical when it accomplishes its purpose. On an even more basic level, it is only practical when the participants actually want to accomplish the purpose.

The primary purpose of marriage is the glory of God through the picturing of Christ and His bride, the church. Throughout history, man without God has always been unwilling to embrace this purpose.

But marriage also has several secondary purposes which encourage marriage: the procreation and nurture of children, companionship, right expression of sexual passion, mutual sanctification.

Increasingly, today, these secondary purposes are not sufficient to compel people to marry; partly because these aims seem unimportant, and partly because there appear to be other, socially acceptable ways to accomplish them.

Today, without stigma, same sex couples (lacking the necessary genetic material of their own) can arrange to have children by a surrogate or donor; college students can “hook up” with a variety of sexual partners; and both mothers and fathers can make career a priority.

Ultimately, sadly, the “Marriage Matters” project at UVA, and other similar campaigns, will fail to convince people to marry. Their data is not incorrect. Of course, relationships work best when they operate within the guidelines of their Creator. But the data will not be enough.

Marriage really matters because of its God-designed purpose. Whatever goals co-habiting couples are trying to reach, they are not seeking to proclaim the servant Christ and His holy bride.

And accomplishing that purpose is the most practical reason to say “I do.”

Kreider, Rose M. “Increase in Opposite-Sex Cohabiting Couples from 2009 to 2010 in the Annual Social and Economic Supplement (ASEC) to the Current Population Survery (CPS).” Housing and Household Economic Statistics Division. U.S. Bureau of the Census. 15 September 2010. http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/Inc-Opp-sex-2009-to-2010.pdf

“Senior Citizens Cohabiting More Often.” World News Service. 9 September 2011.

Wilcox, W. Bradford, et.al. “Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences.” 3rd Ed. University of Virginia. 16 August 2011. http://www.americanvalues.org/pdfs/dl.php

@Copyright 2011 Megan Evans Hill – used with permission
Megan is a PCA ‘Preacher’s Kid’ married to Rob Hill who is pastor of St. Paul Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Jackson, MS She and her mom, Patsy Evans of Coventry, CT, blog at Sunday Women.