In marriage, husband and wife are meshed together in a powerful way. It is a “one flesh” union (Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:31). Living separate lives is not an option. Couples must build communication and mutual accountability into the marriage.

Marriage is a gift from God. 

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). 

When a couple decides to tie the knot, we should celebrate and rejoice with them. As Christians, we always want to elevate the beauty and goodness of marriage.  

But there is another side to this. 

Divorce stats are not particularly encouraging. Both husband and wife carry baggage and wounds into the marriage, and it’s just a crazy, sin-saturated world. In short, marriage is tough! 

Pastors feel the weight of responsibility when it comes to pre-marital counseling. You want to equip the engaged couple with as many tools as possible. But unless you plan on doing six months of weekly counseling, you cannot cover everything. Prioritization is a must! 

Here are six things you should cover in your pre-marital counseling.  

1. Gospel

When a couple ties the knot, it is natural for them to think, “This is about us.” We got married because we love one another, and now we can spend the rest of our lives enjoying one another. And yes, that is part of it, but it’s far from the whole picture.

In an ultimate sense, marriage is not about you. Marriage is about pointing to another reality – “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her!” (Ephesians 5:25). God intends marriage to reflect a picture of the covenant love of Christ for His bride, the church. 

If you have the privilege of doing pre-marital counseling, aim to center the sessions upon the gospel. In my experience, couples are often “gospel illiterate.” They know “Jesus died for my sin,” but they have little understanding of how the gospel relates to the whole of life. 

Remind couples that there will be times when they don’t “like” one another very much. Nonetheless, they must choose to love one another through thick and thin. Giving and withholding love based on your spouse’s performance is a recipe for disaster. However, loving one another unconditionally reflects the covenant love of Christ. That’s what marriage is all about.       

2.Intimacy

As a counselor, you want to affirm the goodness and beauty of sex. God intends couples to enjoy this gift frequently and exclusively within the confines of the marriage union. If couples are going to enjoy this gift to the max, they must foster “intimacy” within their relationship. 

Sex as an act is not necessarily intimate. It is often just an act of self-indulgence, lust, or impulse. In contrast, intimacy is a deep heart connection that comes from thinking of your spouse before yourself. It starts well before clothes are off and passions are high. 

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