The family has been under attack for decades by forces eager to control terms and take territory when it comes to ideas around sex and marriage. Radical ideologues have seized control of academic institutions, government agencies, and media companies. The question for pro-family conservatives is not whether these ideas need to be defeated. The issue is figuring out which strategies, tactics, and weapons—whether political or rhetorical—are most effective for today’s fight. 

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.

― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Conservatives who want to persuade the public about the beauty and benefits of marriage need to remember that one of the first rules of battle is to know—and name—your enemy. This is as true in a military conflict as it is in the culture wars. Knowing your opponent also helps combatants abide by another golden rule of conflict: do everything possible to minimize collateral damage.

The median age at first marriage for men and women increased from 23 and 20, respectively, in 1960 to 30 and 28 in 2023. The share of Americans over 40 who have never married increased from 6% in 1960 to 25% in 2021. More than one-third of men and women over the age of 20 who have ever married have been divorced. For adults ages 55 to 64, it is 43 percent. The share of married-couple households has decreased from 74% in 1960 to 47% in 2023.

These social trends have had a profound impact on American family life.

Americans are marrying less and later in life, and it is human nature to blame someone for causing this problem. Yes, radical feminists with pink hair and degrees in gender studies are easy targets. But while it is tempting to mock people who poison the public square with bad ideas, the truth is that none of the changes in modern family life are confined to liberals. The last thing pro-family conservatives should be doing in such a polarized culture is alienating people who generally share our values.

For instance, a 25-year-old woman who attended a Christian college and wants to get married should not be mocked if she vents about her dating struggles on social media.

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