We can unfairly expect others to remember everything we experienced during sharp seasons of pain. And when they don’t, we allow those unmet expectations to lead us to more pain through anger, jealousy, or hurt toward them. We need to stop looking to others to salve our hurts. 

Expectations of others can be a killer. Have you ever put expectations on your friends, family, or acquaintances? Sure you have. How did that go? I bet some may have lived up to those expectations because there are some real gems out there who rarely – if ever! – let anyone down. But, mostly I would guess, people just don’t live up to the expectations we can place on them.

Maybe it’s just me, but it’s hard not to expect others to understand what you want or remember what you’ve walked through, especially when you’re in pain. In fact, it may be that we put more on others when we are in seasons of pain than when we are not. It’s like we forget that we’re not the center of the universe because in those seasons, my pain calls out loudly and I can’t “hear” anything else. 

Our pain can come from a variety of places: broken relationships, unmet needs or wants, loss of any kind, shattered dreams, etc. In those times of pain, we become acutely aware of what once was and now will never be. Every moment of that season in our pain becomes amplified. Those times take on a deeper meaning and then become a reminder of that season in later days. Then, in the inevitable reminder of those seasons of pain, when the waves of sorrow come ashore, those reminders of that past hurt sting sharply.

As we experience this, there can be an expectation on others to understand the same thing…to remember the same things we experienced once. Time moves on for all of us. However, our memories of experiences vastly differ if we are the ones directly or indirectly experiencing them. As time lengthens, if you did not directly experience that painful event, likely your memories of it are not as sharp as the one who did.

And here is where the expectations on others can be killer.

How can we expect others to have the same understanding about those reminders of deeper meanings when they did not live through it like we did?

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