As Hebrews puts it, Jesus was a son who “learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him” (Hebrews 5:8-9). In other words, because Jesus drew close to God through his suffering and disappointment, he opened the way for you and me to do the same. He died to bring us salvation, and he lives to bring us close to the Father, despite our disappointment.

My dear mother gave birth to me to me only a few weeks after Christmas in the middle of the Carter administration. And I’m the type of person who really, really enjoys getting gifts. These two ingredients mixed themselves into a toxic brew of the most disappointing kind, because, for most of my childhood, friends and relatives would give me only one (1) present – to cover two holidays – sometime during the first week of January. They’d accompany the present with a pacifying sentiment like “I hope you enjoy this Christmas/birthday gift!” But Christmas had already come and gone without any word from such interested parties. The day of my birth likewise came and went without fanfare. From the beginning, my life was designed to disappoint.

Disappointment saturates our fallen existence.  Some disappointments are relatively minor, like having your birthday forgotten or discovering concert tickets are sold out. Other disappointments, like receiving a notification of divorce, suffering a debilitating accident, or losing a child, might plague us for decades. Whatever the situation, God the Father is always present, using our disappointment to draw us closer to him. The way of wisdom leads through disappointment and on toward the Lord.

How Disappointment Works

Before we dig into the text of Proverbs 3:1-12, we must understand how disappointment works.

We feel disappointed when our expectations are not met. Sometimes we lose what we expected to keep. Sometimes we miss what we expected to gain. At other times we experience something we expected to avoid. Expectations infiltrate our motivations, and they come with a price tag: our happiness. They dash our hopes. They convert healthy relationships into needy ones, and they make people bitter and irritable.

Maybe you expected to enjoy your job more than you do. Maybe you expected your parents to respect you as an adult. Maybe you thought church would be more exciting, or that marriage would solve your lust problem. Maybe you expected to be financially stable by now. Maybe you just hoped to get noticed every once in a while.

In short, you wanted something, but didn’t get it (or you liked something but lost it). You feel disappointed.

Two Ways to Handle Disappointment

When unmet expectations produce disappointment, we need a way to cope. Most people take their disappointment in one of two unhelpful directions: either in & down or out & around.

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