“A sexless marriage is a dangerous place to be for both the husband and the wife. For the husband or the wife, fighting lust towards others could be much more difficult.  The wife will likely feel distant from her husband.  Together, the couple will become more like business partners or roommates than like Christ and the church.”

That far too familiar feeling comes over her heart again.  She’s exhausted beyond words and has given of herself from before the sun woke until the brisk cold of night settled in.  Her precious children, her cozy home, the warm-in-your-tummy homemade meals, and her hard-working husband have all depended on her today.  And yesterday.  And the day before.  Her belly is full with new life, her body is worn, yet her heart is bursting with thanksgiving.

She feels honored and blessed to be chosen to care for these beautiful lives.  The Lord had chosen this before the foundation of the world.  He has specifically and personally placed her in this family and she bursts with joy.

Until that far too familiar feeling comes over her heart again.  The man she married ten years ago is gently approaching her for sexual intimacy…again.  She used to love his romantic advances, but as the busyness and sheer exhaustion of life have settled in, a newfound bad attitude now pervades her thoughts on sex.

This couple used to connect intimately multiple times per week, even daily.  That dwindled to twice per week, then once.  Now the exhausted wife avoids sex as much as possible and the couple is distant emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.

Many wives find themselves in this situation.  My husband, a pastor, and I frequently hear of this situation in counseling sessions.  While I believe that sexual intimacy in marriage is very important, even I find myself having a less-than-desirable attitude towards sex at times.

For the wife struggling with joy

I first want to clarify that if a wife has experienced abuse of any kind, this article is not for her.  For the wife who deals with an uninterested husband (due to pornography addiction or other reasons), this article is not for her.  Some wives have husbands who demand sex several times per day.  This is usually unhealthy and these wives should not feel the burden of meeting those expectations. There are many wonderful resources available for these situations.  This is not one of them.
For the wife who is simply struggling with joyfully connecting with her husband sexually, you are not alone. According to a Newsweek article, 5 to 20 percent of couples have sex 10 times a year or less, which experts define as a sexless marriage. This equates to having sex a little less than once per month.  A sexless marriage is a dangerous place to be for both the husband and the wife.

For the husband or the wife, fighting lust towards others could be much more difficult.  The wife will likely feel distant from her husband.  Together, the couple will become more like business partners or roommates than like Christ and the church.

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