Obedience always bears fruit, in our own hearts if nowhere else. How many precious moments of sacrifice have been logged away in God’s sight by a faithful husband or a faithful wife who chose to bless a difficult spouse?

For married Christians, sex is a strange combination of function and fun, discipline and desire, heaven and hobby. But for the Christian wife in particular, married sex can also represent mystery, frustration, or even shame.

Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 are wonderfully direct and clarifying, although they are sometimes misapplied or misunderstood:

Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

This passage brings to light an outrageous, joyous facet of married life. Paul does not deal here with sex as procreation — though we know from the whole testimony of Scripture that sex and procreation are blessedly intertwined. Instead, this passage highlights other purposes of sex. Here we see married sex represented in three ways.

1. Duty and Delight

Paul makes clear that married sex is a mutual duty for a husband and a wife. “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). What a duty! A recreation, a romp, a heavenly joke and a heavenly feast! Does the word duty make you flinch? Or does the phrase conjugal rights make you uncomfortable? Don’t let it. Our modern sensibility may pit duty and delight against each other, but from the beginning it was not so. First Corinthians 7:2–5 is one proof among many that duty kisses delight in God’s world.

God commanding a husband and wife to have sex is like a master commanding his servants to throw a party out of his own larder, using the best wine and best dishes. It’s like a boss commanding his employees to give themselves a raise and a paid vacation to Bali. Here you have been commanded, as man and woman, to engage regularly in something that God designed to give you moments of literal ecstasy and unifying, self-forgetful delight. Of all the hobbies you could engage in together — tennis, chess, movies — this is the only hobby you’ve been told not to neglect.

I know you’re both tired. I know the kids will be up in the night. But revel in this. Laugh with your spouse about the strangeness and wonder of it all. Discipline yourselves to obey the spirit of 1 Corinthians 7:2–5, and there will be years of blessing hidden inside the obedience.

Read More