Other methods may be appropriate at times such as mere diversion of attention or counting to four.  The look and the hot-seat should be a part of your arsenal in child-rearing.  The look is invaluable in public places.  I was far from being a perfect father, and maybe even far from being a good father, but I did learn a few things over the years.  Maybe there is something to learn from gray-headed old men.

I raised several children and I spanked all of them.  One thing I learned was that if I spanked them biblically, then I seldom had to spank them at all.  Actually, over the years of their childhood, spankings were so minimal that I seldom remember spanking them.  I’ve always said that if parents are spanking their children often then they are not spanking them correctly.

None of this quick, fast hand to the bottom!  No spanking in public. When I spanked my children it was like the holy and just God was paying a special visit to our house.  I was upset yet in control of myself.  I used a rod—for me it was my belt.  I took them to their bedroom, told them to drop their pants (or skirts), and I made sure two or three licks were very painful.  They certainly did not want God to pay another special visit any time soon.  Spanking was reserved for the worst offenses, usually things like lying or stealing.

Now, of course, spanking was only a minor part of life in our home. On an average day, Dad was everything from a four-legged horse to a tickle-monster.  I knew how to have fun, and I enjoyed my children tremendously.  Laughing and levity were a major part of our daily lives.

Because they had been spanked properly when it was needed, and also because Dad knew how to have fun with them, I was able to use other methods of discipline on different occasions.  One I called the “hot-seat.” This was reserved for lesser offenses like screaming, complaining, fussing, and other such daily rancor.

This method began with another useful instrument of discipline called “the look.”  They knew by the stare in my eyes that they were in trouble.  It was a stern stare where my eyes looked like two missiles ready to fire.  I did not have to say a word.  I just had to give them the look.   Never underestimate the power of the look!

Secondly, in the hot-seat method, there was the “trail of tears.”  It was a march to the living-room with my right hand firmly gripped to their left hand.  By this time they were usually crying because of guilt or fear—or maybe both. While we walked to the hot-seat, I told them in plain words what the offense was.

Thirdly, I made them sit down in a chair.  It was a plain chair but because of the trouble they were in, it was a “hot-seat” too.  I told them they were to sit there until I allowed them to get up.   I told them to quit crying.  Soon, quietness permeated the whole house.  Even the other siblings became quiet.  Even Mom became quiet too.  You could hear a pin drop. That was good.  That was exactly what was needed—silence.

Lastly, after a period of time that suited me, I told them they could “arise” from the chair.  They knew that payment had been made for their trespasses and they were free.  Life quickly returned to normal.  Dad’s look was gone. It would probably be a few more days (or maybe a few more hours) before this happened again.

Of course, other methods may be appropriate at times such as mere diversion of attention or counting to four.  The look and the hot-seat should be a part of your arsenal in child-rearing.  The look is invaluable in public places.  I was far from being a perfect father, and maybe even far from being a good father, but I did learn a few things over the years.  Maybe there is something to learn from gray-headed old men.

Larry E. Ball is a Honorably Retired Minister in the Presbyterian Church in America and is working as a CPA. He lives in Kingsport, Tennessee.