I recently consulted with a few other parents who have experienced the loss of a child and want to offer a few things you can say to grieving parents that may prove an encouragement to them—a flicker of light in their time of deep darkness. These phrases may be helpful to people experiencing other forms of grief, but I offer them particularly for those grieving the loss of a child.
It can be awkward to reach out to those who are deep in grief. It can be hard to know what to say and easy to believe that our words are more likely to offend than comfort, to make a situation worse rather than better. We sense that our words ought to be few, but also that the worst thing to say is nothing at all.
I recently consulted with a few other parents who have experienced the loss of a child and want to offer a few things you can say to grieving parents that may prove an encouragement to them—a flicker of light in their time of deep darkness. These phrases may be helpful to people experiencing other forms of grief, but I offer them particularly for those grieving the loss of a child.
“I am praying for you.” This is the one thing every person can do and the one thing that is simplest to say. When a family has experienced a deep loss, you can intercede for them and then, as a means of encouragement, simply let them know that you have been doing so. You may even tell them how you have been praying for them—perhaps what Scriptures you have been praying on their behalf. One word from the Word is worth a thousand from anywhere else.
“I will never grow tired of your grief.” A deep loss is very nearly all-consuming. For weeks and even months it can completely dominate a life. The one who is experiencing the grief may soon begin to fear becoming an annoyance to others—to fear they will wonder why he or she isn’t yet over it. It is a tremendous blessing, then, to have one or two trusted friends offer this assurance: “I will never grow tired of your grief.” This makes those friends a safe harbor for expressing sorrow, whether weeks, months, or even years later. It blesses the sufferer to know they will always have someone who will listen patiently as they pour out their broken hearts.
“I’ll stick with you all the way.” Many well-wishers will express condolences in the early days, but few will continue to be present and available weeks, months, or years later. This is completely understandable, of course. Yet there is a place for a small number of close friends to say, “I’ll stick with you all the way.” This is an agreement that they will continue to be available and continue to initiate good conversations in the latter days as much as the early days. These people may want to schedule regular meetings and check-ins—perhaps breakfast or coffee every couple of weeks at first, then with the gap widening as time passes. These people will want to ensure they live up to their word and truly do stick with their friends all the way.
