God has purposes in our grief. He means for us to carry them without being fully healed, to bear them with confident submission, to carry them all the way to the finish line. He means for those griefs to shift our eyes and hearts from here to there, from time to eternity, from this place of sorrows to that place of bliss.

I am often asked what churches and individual Christians can do to care for and comfort those who are enduring times of grief. It is a question I am always glad to receive and one I am always glad to attempt to answer. And there is a lot individuals and communities can do to bring comfort—they can pray, they can be present, they can provide meals and other forms of help, they can remember important dates and continue to express care for months or even years into the future. In these ways and so many others, they can help bear the burdens of those they love.

Yet I also feel the need to speak a word to those who are enduring the time of trial and it’s a word of realism. Over the past few years, I have had a lot of grieving people reach out to express a sense of deep loneliness. They sometimes wonder if their friends have failed them or whether their church has neglected to fulfill its duty toward them. And for those who are enduring the trial of grief compounded by the trial of loneliness, I say this: Grief is lonely. Grief is lonely even in community, lonely even when surrounded by loving and helpful people. Grief is lonely when you are the only one grieving and lonely when you are grieving with others. Unfortunately, but unavoidably, it’s just plain lonely.

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