As a mother, I find myself learning and relearning daily how to submit, not only to the earthly structures of authority, but also to my God and his word. Ultimately each of us—husband and wife, child and parent—must bow to the Lord of all and take our direction from him. And this is another opportunity to identify with my children, because I know—as they are only beginning to learn—that humble and joyful submission necessarily drives me to the gospel of Christ.

Like most Christian families with young children, our daily life is filled with directions. Eat this. Drink that. Say you’re sorry. Please be quiet. Please speak up. Come here. Go there. Stop. Start. Wait. As the mother of three sons, I exercise my role of authority over them in thousands of ways ranging from Bible memorization to broccoli to bedtime.

So the first time my three sons really understood complementarianism, the first time they grasped that husbands are the God-given leaders of their wives, they were shocked. Daddy is the authority over you? They asked, eyes wide. You have to obey Daddy?

Their blunt questions made me uncomfortable. I wanted to protest that there was more to the story, that a husband’s authority is nuanced, that they were misunderstanding. I’m sure there will be a time for explaining those relational details—what the writers of the Westminster Larger Catechism call “the duties which we mutually owe in our several relations, as inferiors, superiors, or equals”—but, in facing my children’s amazement, I found an opportunity.

I worried that seeing Mommy under authority would undermine me in my children’s eyes.  In fact, it has helped me to be a better mother.  Being an openly complementarian mom allows me to come alongside my children: to sympathize with their humble position, to model for them a lifetime of submission, and to point them to Christ.

I Sympathize with My Children

Despite our rose-colored adult memories of a carefree childhood, it’s not actually easy to be a child. My children eat, sleep, and play when I tell them to. They have to ask permission to go outside or online. They hear the word “no” frequently.

As a person under authority, a person who acts according to the direction of another, I understand my children.  I know the sin-struggle of wanting to be in charge, and I know the grace that comes from the God who calls and is faithful. By embracing complementarianism, I can come alongside my children—my neighbors—fellow human beings who, like me, are in the humble position of being under authority.

Joel Beeke and James La Belle write in Living Zealously, “if. . .children realize they are being disciplined or corrected for the things that their parents appear to get away with, they either complain about a double standard or quietly look forward to the day when they will outgrow such childish rules.” This is true not only of hypocritical family policies but also of authority itself, and my open acknowledgement of my husband’s authority over me diffuses my children’s resentment and allows them to see that they are not alone.

Acknowledging my place under authority also helps me to exercise godly authority.

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