We are not called to help our men become the perfect specimen of a husband. We are called to help him become the man God has called him to be. Namely holy and mature in Christ.  You are your husband’s helper. This is not a demeaning position, but a high calling–the calling to be a strength and power your husband needs. It is a position God himself holds as our helper, our power and our strength (Ps. 54:4), so we should be honored in knowing our place in this world and in our marriages. 

One of the reasons many wives struggle in their marriages is because they refuse to embrace the role God has given them as helper to their husband. The word “helper” ruffles their feather and their pride demands a higher position, a more noble title. But such desires sabotage marriage and prevent us from fulfilling our calling.

“To act his part well, according to the will of God, in the lofty drama of human life, should be the ambition, solitude, and prayer of each of us. It is the first lesson of wisdom, to know our place; the second, to keep it.”
– John A. James

But, let’s start at the beginning to see what it means to be a helper and how it works itself out.

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:18

God chose to make man different than anything else he had already created. He made man in his image (Gen. 1:27) but also made him to be in intimate fellowship with another. It was not good for man to be alone and so God created woman. She was not an afterthought, but a part of his perfect plan of revealing his love for the church through the bonds of marriage. And the woman he made for the man is called a “helper.”

So let’s get a little technical. The Hebrew word  for “helper” used in the verse above is  the word “ezer”. It is a combination of two roots, meaning “to rescue, to save”, and “strength/power.” This word is used to describe the woman twice, but it is used to describe God 16 times. So we could translate the verse more properly by saying “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a strength (or power) suitable for him.” (Hard Sayings of the Bible, Walter C. Kaiser)

So think of yourself as his “ideal partner”, his equal and his strength. How do we use this role to help our husbands? Here are 4 ways.

1. For Holiness

You are not called to make him sandwiches or refill his drinks, though that is a nice thing to do. Your calling is be such a strength and power in the life of your husband that your conduct, your words, and your actions point him to Christ and make him want to be a more godly person.

Paul said that the reason we talk about Christ, the reason we teach and admonish others is that so that they will become mature Christians (Col. 1:28). We do this, not through lectures, nagging, or manipulation, but through Christ shining in our lives. To be this kind of wife you must know the Lord and his word. Share what you are learning with your spouse and in doing so you are helping him become the man God wants him to be.

2. For Companionship

Gen 3 tells us that it was not good for man to be alone.

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