When I was a kid, pornography was not something kids had easy access to. Partially rapped in paper, on the rack behind store convenient store clerk, the untouchable and forbidden magazines were kept from getting into young hands. Of course there were always those kids who found hidden stashes at home or had their own secret contraband. But even in those situations, supplies were limited to the pilfered amount. Those days are completely gone.

I am a parent and I am a counselor. Both of these roles give me significant motivation to write on this topic. It is time to get educated about kids and porn. The world our kids live in is so drastically different than the generations before. We cannot afford to believe that our children beat all the statistics.

When I was a teen the culture I lived in was not all that different from the culture my mother grew up in. While differences in music and dress were obvious the main things were very similar. My media influences were basically the same as hers; television and radio still held the corner market on entertainment. The telephone was the way friends made plans. The modes of communication also hadn’t changed much. While phones had just begun to be mobile in my teen years they were antiquated, bulky, and not superior to the home phone. From my mother’s youth to my own teen years, we saw updates but nothing drastically new.

Not so for my kids. In one generation entertainment and technology have changed significantly. We still have television but most of the viewing that my kids do is via the internet. In fact if we watch a TV show or movie it is only with the aid of some internet tool. Communication has changed almost entirely. When I was a teen if the phone rang people rushed to get it. Now if our home phone rings it is usually ignored and the answering machine collects the calls from unwanted solicitors or the gratuitous appointment reminders. Even cell phones are not used primarily as a “phone”.  Communication is primarily through texting, email, chats, and video calls.

So what do these changes have to do with kids and porn. When I was a kid, pornography was not something kids had easy access to. Partially rapped in paper, on the rack behind store convenient store clerk, the untouchable and forbidden magazines were kept from getting into young hands. Of course there were always those kids who found hidden stashes at home or had their own secret contraband. But even in those situations, supplies were limited to the pilfered amount. Those days are completely gone.

Modern technology has eliminated the barrier that once kept porn out of reach. The changes in entertainment and communication have brought some terrifying realities, namely the rapid propulsion of the porn industry and the innovative idea of personally made pornography. Kids growing up today are living in a society saturated in porn.

So what can a parent do?

1. TALK

The first and most important thing to do is talk. Talk to your kids. Do not let certain words be taboo in your family. I had one Christian mom tell me that her kids (middle school and high school age) didn’t even know what the word “porn” was. While I think that was supposed to be a positive claim I see significant danger in this (and I have my doubts of its actual truth). If the world is speaking so loudly why are we silent?….

2. PROTECT

The next thing is to protect. Get a filter. Today. When I hear another parent tell me that their child has been viewing porn I will ask the parents if there are filters on their kids computers and phones. Time and time again the answer is no. Filters are a first line of defense in protecting your kids. They are easy to install and maintain and most start around $5 a month….

3. CHECK 

Finally check in. Parents should have access to their children’s accounts. Your child cannot open a bank account, go to the doctor, or drive a car without parental permission and engagement so why do parents think that having access to their children’s phone, computer, email, or social media is out of bounds? Parents should have the passwords to their children’s devices and accounts and they should check in at times. This is normal parenting….

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