She, like you and me, doesn’t get her righteousness from measuring up to the standards of others, from her church attendance, from knowing scripture, or from how much money she does or doesn’t spend on her wardrobe. In God’s courtroom, the verdict has been given. Her flaws, mistakes, shame and sin as well as all her goodness was placed on Jesus Christ.

The Top Ten Things the Woman Married to Your Pastor Wants You to Know:

10. She’s her own person. She is not  an appendage of the pastor. She might even have differing political, social and biblical views than her spouse. She is in a position where sharing those views could negatively effect her husband’s job. You might be surprised and delighted to discover how different she may be from what you previously thought.

9. She has a calling. It might not be what you expect and she may still be figuring it out.  Many women consider their husband’s call to a specific pastoral position a joint calling for both of them. Others do not. And some women are hoping someone, anyone, will tell them what their ministry should be, in hopes of not disappointing others.  Confused? So are we. After years of serving in pastoral ministry, some women confess a sense of loss, of not even knowing themselves. They were too busy serving where needed. On the other hand, others may be minimally involved in church ministry with a calling focused outside of the church.

8. She may struggle financially.  In one of our local Parakaleo groups, we were discussing financial hardships and laughing over the ingenious ways we’ve stretched a dollar. I asked how many had ever been on food stamps because of ministry salaries. Half the women raised their hands. I was reminded of how delicate the financial situation is for many women in ministry. Consider checking to see if your pastor has a reasonable salary package.

7. She shares her husband with the whole church. Depending on the size of a church and whether there are other competent staff members, pastors can be on call 24/7. Family dinners, holidays, and vacations are routinely interrupted by crisis situations. While some of this can be the result of unhealthy boundaries in the pastoral home, ministry constantly involves crises. Especially in high risk areas, the pastor is often the first person called during suicide attempts, when someone is jailed, when a church attendee is in an abusive relationship, when a marriage is breaking up and so forth. Even the celebratory events such as weddings, sporting events and baptisms, all of which form a community, still take time away from the pastor’s family unit. Pastoral couples are honored to be involved in their congregants lives in this way. Just be aware that their time is limited for good reason.

6. She is harmed by gossip. Definition: idle talk or rumors especially about the personal or private affairs of others. Gossip doesn’t have to be malicious. A simple rule of thumb is to not tell other people’s stories. Let them be the purveyor of their own information. If you hear information from someone about another person, consider a kind way to stop the gossip chain. “You know, I bet Marjorie would want to tell that story herself.” If it’s malicious gossip, take a hard stand. “Regardless of how bad this situation has become, I don’t want to participate in gossip. Will you go with me back to the person speaking about this and help me stop it?”  While I can laugh about it now, I at times discovered things about myself at church that even I didn’t know.

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