Many of my friends have started returning to their childhood church communities, if for no other reason than it feels more faithful to recommit to what they already know than commit to uncertainty. As for me, I’ve decided to recommit to going to church with my husband rather than continuing the search alone. I am less interested in fidelity to an institution than belonging to the people who make it up.

“Young people these days” aren’t exactly known for our commitment.

Many of us aren’t planning to stay at our current job for more than three years, according to a recent survey. And three out of four of us are planning to move in the next five, another report predicts. It’s no surprise nearly a third of us (the so-called “nones”) balk at the idea of formal affiliation in a religious organization.

But are we really flunking fidelity when it comes to our relationship to faith and its institutional bodies? Or are we simply re-imagining the structure of belonging?

While mistrust in the church is nothing new, the cultural acceptance of it is. Whether we choose to affiliate or not, it’s largely seen as an individual decision with little or no social repercussion. Many young people are reconceiving their relationship status with the church and other worshiping bodies as an ongoing reality rather than a one-time pledge.

Those of us born after 1980 didn’t grow up with a lot of structure. A cover story in Time magazine called us the “most threatening and exciting generation since the baby boomers brought about social revolution, not because [we’re] trying to take over the Establishment but because [we’re] growing up without one.” We became adults during a widespread epidemic of mistrust in the institutions that brokered belonging, institutions like marriage, civic groups and faith communities, too.

Many of us have seen the fallout of failed promises in our parents’ marriages, our economic policies, our religious leaders. We’re cautious – hyper-intentional even – not to make commitments we can’t keep. Our on-again, off-again relationship with the church may have more to do with our impossibly high standards for commitment rather than the common complaint that we don’t take it seriously enough.

A slew of recent and upcoming books by authors like Sarah Bessey and Rachel Held Evans point to the growing struggle of young people to find their place in the church.

My own story reflects a patchwork faith common among folks my age. Like many spiritual hybrids, I inherited more than one faith tradition. I was raised Catholic, found non-denominationalism in high school, became a feminist in college, married a Methodist (pastor, no less), and now work for a Quaker-based nonprofit. Asking me to pledge loyalty to only one is like asking me to choose which parent I love most, a choice I learned early was best to avoid. Not committing has always seemed the more authentic choice.

Read More