I think as we’ve gone through these difficult seasons of waiting, I’ve gone through days and even longer stretches where I’ve needed to just rest and recover. In those moments, I’m tempted to just give up, convincing myself that I don’t have much else left to give to continue on hoping for a different outcome. But every time I let myself stop, even briefly, something happens: The next day, I’m ready again. I can think clearly. I can take the next step.

One of my favorite traditions of the Christmas season is ending each night reading a few different Advent studies with Emily.

Advent reminds us that we live in the tension between what God has promised and what we’re still waiting to see. It names the reality that life is often lived in the middle — the not yet, the uncertain, the unfinished.

Truthfully, this is not exactly something I need to be “reminded” of. For the past several years — whether it be waiting on home repairs after our house was hit by a tornado, our nearly three years of infertility struggles, or simply waiting on life goals and dreams to come to fruition — waiting on God to deliver has been the reality in which Emily and I have lived every day.

This has been especially true these last few months after I was part of a major layoff at my company in early September. Since then, my days have been a mix of applications, hope, anticipation, and doing what I can to find work while I look for a full-time job. But that has also come with a lot of rejection, silence and quiet space I didn’t ask for. Life went from fast-paced to slow in a matter of minutes, and I’ve been trying to make sense of that shift ever since.

It may seem paradoxical that we welcome a season that purposely focuses on waiting. But the beauty of Advent is that it’s less about our waiting and more about resting in the assurance that God will come through — and has already come through — on His promises.

Choosing How to Walk Through It

There are days when I am angry. There are days when I feel defeated and beaten down. There are days when I don’t want to talk to God because it feels like He doesn’t hear me.

Simply put, I don’t always wait well. When you’re in a season of waiting like we’ve found ourselves in, each day feels like more of the same. It can honestly just become so difficult to pick yourself up and do it all again.

But the beauty of Advent is that how I wait doesn’t change whether or not God comes through.

Jesus is coming no matter what my emotional state looks like. God’s faithfulness doesn’t hinge on my productivity or my ability to keep it all together. Still, my posture matters. I can wait bitterly or expectantly. Closed off or open-handed. I get to choose how I show up in the middle.

Emily said something recently that’s stuck with me. Thinking about the tough seasons we’ve walked through, she said something to the effect of, “When we look back on this season, I don’t want to wonder if I could’ve drawn closer to God.”

Her point was basically this: we have the choice to just sit here and be miserable about the pain and heartbreak we’ve endured, or we can do something with it.

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