No one has mastered the task of child rearing, so there is both safety and good hope of success to be found in a multitude of counselors. This perspective also serves as a helpful reminder that worship is not about me as an individual, but as us as the gathered Body of Christ.

Children are a sweet heritage from the Lord¹ and ought to be present with their parents during services of public worship.² As true members of the church visible, they should be warmly welcomed by all in the congregation³ and even directly addressed from the pulpit on occasion.⁴

Teaching children to be a blessing to others while at church can be difficult because all children are born with a sinful nature.⁵ Foolishness is bound up in their precious little hearts.⁶ Training this out of them is possible, however, and the Lord actually commands parents to do it.⁷ There are two essential elements to effective child training in a church context: clear expectations and consistent enforcement.

Clear Expectations

Parents, do not assume that your children understand your expectations for behavior. The whole world is new to them when they are young. You will, therefore, need to explain, and maybe even demonstrate to them, exactly what you expect to see in their attitudes and actions.

The most basic expectation for attending services of public worship should be, “Sit quietly and try to pay attention.” This, by the way, is incredibly difficult for children, so you will definitely need to practice it at home.⁸

Our family even called these practice sessions “church” so they would make a consistent mental connection. Start with ten minutes of Bible reading, then add hymn, then add prayer. It not only provides good practice, but it will significantly deepen your family’s piety.

Once a child understands your specific expectations for good Sunday morning behavior, the next element of training must be applied: consistent enforcement.

Consistent Enforcement

Applying only occasional enforcement undermines everything previously accomplished. A swift and appropriate punishment must be issued each and every time an expectation is not met satisfactorily.⁹

At the same time, it is important that the training process does not appear or feel as entirely negative. It must not be.

You can positively assist a child to sit peaceably in the pew by preparing something quiet for them to do when restless feelings begin. Bible story coloring books, for example, can be a convenient tool when it comes to keeping children quietly occupied during worship.

Equally effective in the positive encouragement of good behavior is the promise of rewards. If your child knows, for example, that there will be an ice-cream treat waiting at home, he will be far more likely to meet your expectations while at church. The consistent granting of modest rewards is a very powerful tool of discipleship.

At the same time, even the best-trained children will still misbehave. That should be expected, but it should also be addressed with all immediacy. Remember, most children have a very short attention span, so undue delays in punishment may leave them nothing but confused, wondering, “But what did I do?” That is neither just nor productive. Infractions require an immediate and appropriate response.

In addition to timeliness, punishments should also be efficient. That essentially means quick and painful. Many moms, for example, have mastered the subtle-but-effective pinch to the back arm technique. If using an implement¹⁰ is preferred, you might want to set it on the pew at the beginning of worship as a visual reminder of your personal commitment to consistency.

The goal of timely and efficient correction is simple: interrupting bad behavior and encouraging good behavior. When consistently applied, the average child will eventually amend his behavior to avoid punishments and earn rewards. This kind of consistent discipline benefits the child, the parents, and even the entire congregation by ensuring that times of worship remain orderly and edifying to all.¹¹

Applying These Principles

When it comes to applying these principles in a local church, there should, first of all, be designated spaces for child training sessions to occur during scheduled services. Our church, for example, has designated the kitchen, the library, and a nursing room inside the women’s lavatory. Parents, obviously, should close the door before a training session begins.

Read More