5. Don’t call your pastor on his day off, unless it is an emergency. If someone has had a heart attack, if the church is on fire, go ahead and call him. Otherwise, leave him alone for things that can just as easily be handled on another day.

When a church receives a new pastor, there is usually an installation service. Typically, at that service, there will be a charge given to the congregation to pray for their new minister, accept his instruction, and be supportive in other ways. All of these are important; but many times, there are things that aren’t said, that are very important for a congregation to remember. These things might seem small, but they can be very significant in his being well adjusted and productive in his new position. While lazy, irresponsible, proud ministers should be shown the door, the hard working, conscientious, and grace-dependent minister should be encouraged. So here are 10.5 don’ts and do’s I’d like to offer, that you won’t hear at a typical installation service.    

1. Don’t be comparing him to your former pastor, or even other pastors. Some are happy to see their former pastor go; others aren’t. Those who aren’t must be careful not to bring up the things they liked about their former pastor, as though the new pastor is falling short. Neither does it help him to hear people go on and on about how wonderful Mr. Famous Pastor is. Read I Corinthians 3; God is not pleased with comparison talk that leads to division.  

Do be thankful and appreciative for this new man God has sent to be your pastor. Recognize that he has unique gifts and talents, and that right now he is the man God has brought to be your minister.  

2. Don’t put him and his lifestyle under your microscope. Of course he is called to live by a certain standard of godliness, but that is not what I mean. In every church, there are those members who take it upon themselves to put their minister and his family under their life microscope. How he spends his leisure time, how he keeps his yard, his taste in music, how he spends his money, how his wife keeps her house, and many other things that are in the area of liberty for him, are the very things that some in the congregation will be very careful to scrutinize. These church members pride themselves in being mature, thoughtful, discerning, wise; and yet, in reality, they are small-minded busy bodies. Jesus was never pleased with people who were like this, and they are still a pain, today.  

Do allow your pastor freedom to have his own personal preferences. In matters of obedience, he is responsible to obey God; in matters indifferent, he is allowed liberty. You don’t want him to be made in your image; you want him to be the man God has made him to be. Cut the man some slack.  

3. Don’t think that, because he is employed by the church, his wife is employed by the church as well. This is not a buy one get one free deal, like you find at the grocery store. In acquiring him, the church hasn’t acquired the pastor’s wife to teach the women’s bible study. Her home isn’t open for you to drop in, any time you want. The pastor’s wife is his wife and the mother of their children. She can participate in ministry in the church, like any other woman.  

Do protect the pastor’s wife. A good husband and minister will work to protect his wife; but often he can be so caught up in his work, that he fails to see the pressure that is being brought by some on his wife. Just because the minister has the calling to be a very public figure, subject to all the criticism and demands that go with his work, doesn’t mean you should allow such pressure to be brought upon his wife. Do your part to protect this woman.  

4. Don’t hold his children to a standard higher than the other children in the church. Yes, he is responsible to be a good manager of his house; but his children are fallen, like the other children in the congregation. Granted that many a child in a minister’s home has been turned off to the church because of the unreasonable demands of his father, but also, this has happened because some in the congregation were unreasonable in their expectations for his children, and his family had to live in the context of this judgmental spirit.   

Do treat his children like other children in the congregation. They don’t need special attention. They need to be loved and respected like every other child in the congregation.  

5. Don’t call your pastor on his day off, unless it is an emergency. If someone has had a heart attack, if the church is on fire, go ahead and call him. Otherwise, leave him alone for things that can just as easily be handled on another day. I know, some think their call is different; “it will only take a minute,” “it’s such a minor thing,” etc. The problem is, it seldom takes a minute, and if it isn’t an emergency, why should anyone want to disturb him? The answer is, they want to disturb him, because they are thinking of what they want, not him or his family.    

An unnecessary call easily jogs his memory to some mess he’s been trying to address in the church; he was doing okay, occupying his mind by helping his wife strip wallpaper in their child’s bedroom; now his mind is on other things. Consider his family; these unnecessary calls tempt his wife and children to bitterness, thinking: “it’s not enough that they have him six days a week; they want him as well when we’re supposed to have him.”  

Do protect his day off. I know of one church in which the elders meet on the evening of the pastor’s day off. This makes no sense for the elders to want to meet that day, if they love the guy; or for him to continue to use that day as his day off. You can protect your pastor in what you do and in how you caution others.  

6. Don’t treat the salary you pay him, and his other compensation, as some kind of favor or gift from you. The salary and benefits your pastor receives from you is a debt that you owe him; it is a debt you are paying to him. The Bible is very clear on this; pay for work is a debt owed; yet some church members act as though they are doing a favor to pay their minister. Is this how you want your employer to treat you at the end of a pay period, to treat you like he’s giving you a gift?  

In connection with this, your pastor shouldn’t be treated as though there is something wrong with his taking the vacation and study leave time that was agreed upon. I remember a lady once confronting me, letting me know in no uncertain terms that she thought I got too much vacation time. Besides her ignoring what had been agreed upon, she was also going against being subject to the brethren, as the Bible teaches; the brethren had decided what it wanted to give. But, in my answer, I didn’t appeal to any of this logic; instead, I spoke to her in terms that I thought she could best understand; I told her, “I need every bit of my vacation time, in order to be able to minister to you.”  

Repeatedly, a pastor will be told by congregants that they wouldn’t have his job for any amount of money in the world. Yet some of those same congregants will later resent the compensation they promised him. This is not the way Jesus wants ministers or any employee to be treated.  

Do treat his salary and compensation as what is owed by you. At the beginning of their relationship, the congregation and the minister entered into an agreement about salary and benefits. The pastor is responsible to do his job; if he doesn’t, he must give an account of what some think is his failure; but otherwise, the congregation is responsible to pay the wages and benefits promised.  

7. Don’t make jokes to him when budget time rolls around each year, that the church can always find needed funds by docking his salary. There are those who do this and think they are being cute; but they would never appreciate such if their employer made jokes like this about their salary. They would be offended. They would consider it insensitive to their concern of caring for their family. Your pastor has enough things of substance with which to deal, without being the subject of such nonsense.  

Do treat your pastor with the same respect you would like to be shown. Correct those in the church who are disrespectful. This is simple Christian living, and love that is to be shown to everyone.  

8. Don’t measure your pastor’s package of compensation as though it is to be tested by what you receive. By compensation, I mean what he is paid and the time he receives for vacation and study. There are those who look to the government or private enterprise to set the acceptable standard of compensation. Maybe we should look to these for everything else the church does, as well. Of course not; no, in the area of employment, the church is to set an example to the world, of being a wise and gracious employer. This is why the church is in the mess it is, in so many things today; it takes its cue from the world, and not God’s Word, for wisdom. Does it bug you that the minister gets more vacation than you? Maybe he needs it. And it was what was agreed upon, so you need to cool it. But even more, the Bible says that you should be happy for him, not envious or angry; remember, rejoice with those who rejoice, and things like that.  

Do oppose all envy and jealousy in yourself and others, and remember what Jesus taught in John 21:22. God’s will isn’t the same for everyone, and we would all do well to be grateful, and live our lives paying attention to our own business, instead of worrying about someone else having something better than we have.  

9. Don’t expect him to be perfect. He is not going to hit a home run with every sermon. He is not going to always be Mr. Happy. He is going to sin. He is going to fail. There are times when you might think he isn’t being as sensitive as he needs to be. Don’t be surprised; he isn’t perfect. There has only been one Pastor who was perfect. And even then, most of those in His congregation didn’t know how to recognize His perfection, because we are all like your new pastor—not perfect.  

Do expect him to be faithful. Faithful means that you leave room for him to fail and repent. Faithful is not being perfect; faithful is being a Christian. A Christian is one who has not arrived. Live the gospel toward him; as you need grace, extend grace to him.  

10. Don’t expect him to read your mind or know intuitively about problems in your life. It is amazing how many times ministers are accused of being insensitive and unloving, because they failed in a certain situation, when the minister did not have a clue there was even a problem to be addressed. People will stay away from church and bad mouth the pastor for not knowing something was wrong. Couples will show up every Sunday, but somehow, because the pastor hasn’t noticed a change in their countenance, he has failed to show love and intuitively recognize that there were problems in their marriage. Ministers are supposed to remember every day in a person’s history that something bad has happened, so that he can speak a good word on the anniversary of that day. God help the guy, if he doesn’t.   

Do talk to your pastor. If you are having problems, let him know. If he has offended you, let him know. If you think he is in sin or wrong on some matter of teaching or life, let him know. Speak. Speak. Speak. Have mercy on the guy. So much of this is us living the gospel toward him, as God has applied His grace to us.  

10.5 Don’t expect most of the people who need this to change, after having read it. So, you ask, why give it? Because some will profit from it and show better love to their pastor. And many will work harder to encourage and support their pastor, by having a little better understanding of things from his perspective. But others will still maintain their microscope, ever focusing it, engaging in envy, gossip, and the like, all under the disguise of zeal for Christ and His Church.  

In none of this has it been my intent to paint the minister in such a light as to give the impression that he has the hardest job in the world, or that other occupations are not as difficult as his. I’m sure there are others worse than his. I know, since Adam, weeds grow in everyone’s garden; every occupation has a bunch of mess in it. I witness this in a business my wife and I have. When I get with other ministers, I do not participate in pity parties. I know that men and women in the pew have their hands full of headaches at times in their work. But this article is not something general about everyone having problems at work. It is, instead, an article to help you love and understand your pastor, and know a side of his experience about which you may not have known.

Pete Hurst is Senior Pastor at Calvary Reformed Presbyterian Church (PCA), Hampton, VA and blogs at God’s Fool, where this article first appeared. It is used with his permission.