Some husbands foolishly misuse Christian teaching about headship and submission to diminish the uniqueness and contributions of their wives. These men typically insist that life conforms to their dominant identity so they can get what they want. I’ve also observed women who suppress their identity under more dominant men who frankly need the gifts and strengths of their wives. These wives entertain misguided understandings of headship and submission. 

Many resent the way Scripture portrays a wife as a keeper of the home who submits to her husband (Titus 2:3-5).

The intended beauty of this requirement has been marred by distortions and maligned by misrepresentations. This is partly why we need a closer look at the Scriptural portrayal of a wife.

To avoid misapplication, at the end of this post, I highlight seven things submission is not meant to be.

When the nation’s largest Protestant denomination amended its documents to include a statement on the need for a wife to “submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband,” it resulted in a significant media backlash. Even in the church many were outraged.

So what should we conclude about the New Testament passage that says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-40)?

When I perform weddings, if I use the “s” word in the bride’s declaration of intent, (asking, “Will you take John to be your lawful wedded husband, to live with him according to God’s ordinance? Will you submit to him as to the Lord?”), I usually hear whispers of dissent from the audience. Yet I’ve never heard any dissent when I ask a groom if he will love his bride “as Christ loved the church.”

Misguided notions about submission in marriage abound. Some picture a wife who allows her husband to order her around and force her to do whatever he demands. Although this was largely the way wives were viewed in the culture of New Testament times, it’s a profound violation of the biblical understanding of wives submitting to their husbands.

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