Harsh men “persuade” their wives through physical, mental, or verbal strength rather than through love. They use harsh language with their wives. They treat them with a severity that others would find offensive if they could see it. This bitterness clearly fails to reflect the tender and faithful affection with which Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25–30).

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
(Colossians 3:19, NKJV)

One of the great temptations a husband faces is to be bitter toward his wife. Bitterness and love are, in Colossians 3:19, opposite ends of the spectrum of how a husband might treat his wife.

The Temptation of Bitterness

Bitterness is the most sensitive of the tastes, and most of us find it harsh, unpleasant, and disagreeable. Case in point: Unsweetened cocoa. Do you remember the first time you discovered the shockingly harsh taste of unsweetened cocoa? It blows the mind of young children that anything bearing the brown Hershey label could taste so bad! You never find children sneaking cocoa…more than once.

Identifying relational bitterness is not as simple as a taste test. A harsh or bitter man will rarely admit it. He will call himself firm, melancholy, sober, principled or any number of pseudonyms for bitter. Here’s the reality: Most men treat their wives’ harshly. If men did not struggle with harshness, God would not waste his time commanding against it. Unless you have been sanctified beyond the norm you regularly sin against your wife by bitterness.

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