Through the aid of the Spirit, the Word of God, and the local church, Christ can enable any Christian man to love his wife, regardless of the circumstances surrounding his marriage. In light of this, men, let us work hard to love our wives as Christ loves the church.

In the latter half of his letter to the Ephesians, Paul gives Christian husbands a few lofty, intimidating, yet glorious instructions for how we are to live with our wives in our marriages. He begins with a straightforward command: “Husbands, love your wives” (Eph. 5:25). This sentence is not difficult to understand. We don’t need to scour our commentaries or study Bibles to grasp the nuances of the original language or to disentangle the complexities of its syntax. No, the command is simple: we are to love our wives.

Love your wife as Christ loves the church.

Of course, how we love our wives is vital, so Paul continues his instructions by providing us with a model to follow: Christian husbands are to love their wives as “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25). In the same way that Christ laid down his life to purify his bride and provide for her every need, so husbands are to die daily to provide for their wives’ spiritual and physical needs (Eph. 5:26-29).

But not only are we called to provide for our wife’s needs; we are also to “cherish” our wife and count her as highly valuable and precious to us. The word for “cherish” in Ephesians 5:29 is the same word used for “care” in 1 Thessalonians 2:7 where Paul describes his ministry to the Thessalonians. Paul describes himself as tender with these new believers like a mommy caring for her new baby. The reason why Paul would use this analogy to describe his ministry to the Thessalonians is because mommies cherish their babies. Mommies delight in their babies and love to provide for all of their needs. Mommies want to spend time with their baby and protect their child from any possible harm.

When Paul calls husbands to cherish their wives, he means that we are to do more than crank out our duty to provide for their spiritual and physical needs. Far more than rote obedience, Paul wants us to highly value our wives, desire to be with them, and treasure their friendship. Amazingly, this is how Christ loves his bride. Christ proactively sought his bride and died for her to heal the breach she created in the relationship (Rom. 3:21-26; cf. Eph. 5:25). Scripture also tells us that Christ greatly delights in his bride (Zech. 3:17). Husbands, in the same way, should delight in their wives, study them to know how to bless them in tangible ways, and aim to restore the relationship whenever a breach occurs because of how highly he values her friendship.

Again, this is a high calling. Some husbands may sense the pang of conviction when they hear they must make their wives’ spiritual health a top priority. Others may feel a pinch of guilt when they realize they haven’t worked hard to provide for their wives. Still others of us may experience a twinge of shame when we hear that cherishing our bride is part of our calling as Christian husbands because we know we don’t cherish them as we should.

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