What I did not anticipate was how it would affect my future marriage. I committed many sins in this area, but I assumed that marriage would fix that desire and erase those memories. Satan had fed me the lie of what sex should be, and I bought it. Sex was going to be what I had seen and experienced most of my life. And those ideas weren’t going anywhere. My enslavement to sex and pornography dug so deep into my subconscious that I was left with remnants that may last until my final breath. I wish I would have spent much more time thinking on the things of God, as Paul exhorts, but I did not. I am left with baggage that thankfully Jesus has forgiven and is redeeming daily.

Indulgence in pornography is not a problem that only young, unmarried boys face. It’s an epidemic that stretches into the realm of men who are married and women of all kinds (young or old, married or not). However, this post is aimed particularly toward young, unmarried men. The reason I am speaking to this particular group is because I know from firsthand experience the complications that this addiction causes for young men and their future marriage.

The temptation is unavoidable. Half-naked women are plastered on Facebook advertisements. Billboards don the supposed “class” of the dancers at the club the next exit over. Heck, a pretty woman in a parka and sweatpants can cause many men problems. The carrot is constantly dangling in front of you, drawing you in like a starving child lost in the desert.

Paul exhorts the Philippians:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Phil. 4:8)

There are several verses that refer to fornication, lustful thoughts, and worldly passions (Matt. 5:28; 1 Cor. 6:18; Gal. 5:16; Col. 3:5) but I want to hone in on what these activities do to the mind. The mind is a powerful thing as are the memories it keeps. This is why the aforementioned verse in Philippians has been more helpful to me than any passage on lust (not to discount such passages, of course). At the height of my issues, I worked in a kiosk at the mall and my mind was perpetually bouncing from one woman to the next. I would look at pornography on my cell phone in the bathroom at work, in my car while driving; you name it, I did it.

I was an easy target for Satan and my own fleshly weaknesses. I was severely addicted to women and I knew all the Bible verses about “youthful desires” and “passions of the flesh,” but really only sought self-gratification. I was no boy scout in regards to females that I dated and saw them as no better or more important than the women I watched on my computer screen. I wouldn’t agree with that statement then, but it was true. I was thinking of me. I was thinking of my sexual desires. And truthfully, it didn’t matter who fulfilled them or how it happened, as long as I was satisfied.

Married and Marred

What I did not anticipate was how it would affect my future marriage. I committed many sins in this area, but I assumed that marriage would fix that desire and erase those memories. Satan had fed me the lie of what sex should be, and I bought it. Sex was going to be what I had seen and experienced most of my life. And those ideas weren’t going anywhere. My enslavement to sex and pornography dug so deep into my subconscious that I was left with remnants that may last until my final breath. I wish I would have spent much more time thinking on the things of God, as Paul exhorts, but I did not. I am left with baggage that thankfully Jesus has forgiven and is redeeming daily.

There are several destructive aspects of the porn industry, but here are two battles that I have found particularly challenging to my relationship with my beautiful, godly wife. I pray that these warnings will help you.

1. Porn damaged my ability to be a confident leader in marriage. For me, my pornography-laden past has caused a fracture in my assurance as a husband. There are times that I feel unworthy of my wife due to my past sins. There are times that I feel unsure of my ability to please her both in the bedroom and outside. In the bedroom, there’s no editing or perfect lighting and you will not always (or ever) be a rock star lover as defined in the movies; the bedroom consists of two people that God has joined together, often imperfectly enjoying a great gift that he has given.

Pornography does not reflect this truth. Sex was not only designed for procreation, yet it was never designed to be treated as an extracurricular sport. Porn actors are not to be mimicked or modeled. Period. Love your wife the way she wants and needs to be loved – the way that God calls you to love her – and let that be enough.

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