A developing child or adolescent needs a mature adult, with authority in his or her life to say an occasional NO. They need mom and dad to play Gandolf every once in a while, standing in the path of the dark and sinful desires that arise out of the fissures of the fallen human heart and to say a loud and uncompromising: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! You can call your parenting style whatever you like, but if it doesn’t have a category for that, then the Bible calls it sin and irresponsibility.
Parenting is a significant theme in the Book of Samuel. Three of the four major characters have difficulty with their children: Eli, Samuel and David. Ironically, the only major character in the book who seems to have produced a truly great kid is Saul, whose other faults were legion. Reflecting on the book as a whole, the reader may be led to conclude that while parents are not responsible for outcomes, they are held accountable by God for process. Eli’s sons were known to be defrauding worshippers and to be sexually abusing the female servants who worked in the central shrine at Shiloh. While Eli did not approve of what they were doing, neither did he actively restrain them, and for that, he was judged by God. The Lord said:
“I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them.” (1 Samuel 3:13 ESV)
Eli is presented in the story as a good man, but a weak father.
“Restraint” is a key responsibility of all leaders. When Saul is later chosen to be king, the Bible says:
When Samuel saw Saul, the LORD told him, “Here is the man of whom I spoke to you! He it is who shall restrain my people.” (1 Samuel 9:17 ESV)
He it is who shall RESTRAIN my people.
The job of a king is to restrain the rich, the violent and the unstable such that they do not abuse the poor, the weak and the regular citizenry. The job of a parent is to restrain their children from acting upon their most immature, hormonal and peer driven impulses such that they do not do harm to themselves, their peers and their neighbours.
Eli failed to do that.
Samuel experienced difficulty as a parent as well. The Bible says:
When Samuel became old, he made his sons judges over Israel. 2 The name of his firstborn son was Joel, and the name of his second, Abijah; they were judges in Beersheba. 3 Yet his sons did not walk in his ways but turned aside after gain. They took bribes and perverted justice.
4 Then all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah 5 and said to him, “Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations.” (1 Samuel 8:1-5 ESV)
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