To be a human is to depend on other people. There is no escaping this fact. You are born dependent. You will die dependent. This is not a failure on your part. This is not a flaw. This is a glorious design by God! Do not feel ashamed for depending on your family and friends while you walk through mental affliction…When you feel creeping shame for their sacrifices for you, say a prayer of thanksgiving to God for them instead of entertaining those thoughts.

To begin the process of healing and restoration, whatever that may look like for you, you must first come to terms with the struggle. And to some extent, that means being public about your struggle. The first time I truly tried to get help for my OCD, I made an appointment with my pastor to talk about my thoughts. A few days before the appointment, I canceled. I had to hit rock bottom before I sought help. And even then it took 8 or so more years before I got the help I needed. There remained a great deal of shame leading up to the phone call when I canceled that appointment. Shame that I couldn’t deal with my problems on my own. Shame that I needed help. Shame that I wasn’t “alright.” Shame that I was out of control of my life. That shame didn’t go away, even when I sought help from a counselor. Because then there was the shame of getting “professional help.” Was I broken? Was there something wrong with me? And what about medication? Were my body and mind not right? Didn’t I have it in me to fix my problems without the help of medication? And on top of all this was the harm I was causing, the people I was letting down by ruminating, the family members, friends, professors, and students. Shame upon shame upon shame.

There is no end to shame, if we allow it to build. It just echoes through our lives. And even after there has been some healing and restoration, there can be a sense of shame at having caused harm in the past, the weight of harm you can’t ever fully undo, which you can only repent of. And all this shame holds you back from the very thing you need, which is to heal. The more shame you feel, the more likely you are to fall into despair that you will never get better, and the less likely you are to advocate for yourself. So how do we move beyond shame over mental afflictions?

At its core, shame is the belief that we are not good enough, that we are not okay, that we are not affirmed. And when you are struggling with a mental affliction, those are the voices you are likely to hear from your mind, whispers that you are flawed, broken, hopeless, a failure, and so on. You may be hearing those whispers because of the affliction itself, for example depression, or you may think those thoughts as a consequence of your affliction (“because I’m so anxious, I can’t do anything right, which makes me a failure”).

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