I guess that’s what people really mean when they say they want a divorce because their spouse “changed.” It’s not change itself they oppose, but changes that challenge them and make them uncomfortable. What they should say is: “I want a divorce because she changed in a way that doesn’t fit inside my comfort zone.”

A reader emailed me last night saying she was recently invited to her friend’s ‘divorce party.’ She wanted my opinion on the new trend.

Divorce party: a celebration of a broken vow. “Hooray! We quit on ourselves and each other! Now let’s dance!”

I’d heard of these things before, but I almost hesitated to believe the emailer’s story. I know this sort of nonsense might exist amongst the ‘consciously uncoupled’ types in Hollywood, but I refuse to accept it among normal Americans.

This is wishful thinking, of course. I’m well aware that many normal Americans are just as sad and pretentious as Hollywood elites, only missing the money and fame that’s supposed to come in the package.

So I sat down, wrote a few paragraphs, and resolved to finish it today.

Then, this morning at the grocery store I ran into a guy who reads my blog. We got to talking. After an exchange of pleasantries, the conversation veered into less pleasant territory:

Guy: So, what topic are you working on next?

Me: Well, I got this email about divorce parties, so I think I’m going to write about that.

Guy: OK, what about them?

Me: Well, just that it demonstrates this cavalier, celebratory attitude towards divorce. I think it’s really harmful, and it only perpetuates the problem.

Guy: You’ve been married for… what… a year?

Me: Going on three.

Guy: Going on three. Alright, take it from a guy who’s been married to his current wife for eleven, and went through two divorces before that: you never know what will happen. Nobody plans on getting divorced, but it happens. People can change. Some day you might wake up and find that your wife isn’t the same person you married. It happens. I never thought I’d get divorced, but it happened twice. You never know. Nothing is permanent; people sometimes change.

Me: Yeah. I don’t know much about the future, but I know I’ll be with my wife until one of us dies. Everyone makes their own choices, but that’s ours.

Guy: [laughs] I said the same thing at your age. You think of divorce as this scary thing, but sometimes it’s the only way to be happy. You shouldn’t stay in a marriage if you’re miserable. Things change. You wake up and suddenly she’s not the same person you married. It happens. Trust me.

Me: But that’s not a reason to get divorced, in my opinion.

Guy: I know. But check back in ten years [laughs].

Me: In ten years I’ll be either dead or celebrating my thirteenth wedding anniversary. Who knows, maybe you’ll be celebrating your fourth first wedding anniversary.

That was basically the end of our friendly exchange.

I left angry.

This. This right here. This illustrates the worst thing about our culture. I’m not talking simply about his views on divorce; I’m talking about this bizarre bit of Divorce Evangelism.

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