Physical attraction is a wonderful luxury that you may choose to wait for. You may even choose to be single forever rather than marry someone you aren’t physically attracted to. Good luck with that. Just don’t prioritize looks over character. You may insist on both and be willing to die single, or you may have to choose. My advice: choose character. You will eventually find true beauty shapes your perception from the inside out.

Dear (usually young) single male,

I have been asked this same question by many of your ilk. To be more honest than I’d be if I were posting this answer on a blog, I confess I have made that same enquiry myself. The conventional wisdom I received was that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That is true, but some beholders are idiots. I was one of them.

The answer is now so obvious to me; but it is because I can still remember the days before I got married twelve years ago that I don’t want to make too much fun of you. so, here are five principles I’ve learned you might find helpful.

1. Know Thyself

As the ancient Delphic maxim goes, you must have self-awareness to avoid much frustration. One mentor proffered this rather opaque aphorism:  “If you want to shop on aisle ten, you need to stop looking like you belong in aisle one.” I’m still not sure exactly what that means—is there a rating system to the aisles in grocery stores?— but I stewed on that wisdom til I realized he was saying: “If you want to date a cute, smart, well-dressed, well-groomed, intelligent gal, then lose the earring, get a haircut, wash your clothes more often than you do, stop stuffing your face, trade your PlayStation for a library card, and try breathing through your nose.”

Many young men are oblivious as to what league they are trying out for. If you want to marry a godly woman, start by becoming a godly man. And if you’d prefer her to be easy on the eyes try becoming a bit more presentable yourself.

2. Do unto others

Some males are mystified as to why the svelte ladies they find so appealing all seem to be “too shallow” to overlook their foibles and physical shortfalls. It is worth reminding these myopic males that they should treat others the way they would want to be treated. If you hope your future wife will see past your corpulent girth, oily skin, and caprine facial hair, don’t get hung-up on her muffin-top.

Some guys slip off the other side of the self-awareness horse. They become so obsessed with every bulge of muscle they manage to generate in front of the gym’s mirrors that they begin to assume having a six-pack is normal (it’s not).

3. Believe the Bible

God repeatedly warns in Scripture that beauty can easily be a skin deep minefield of deception, a ticking time bomb of regret wrapped in cheap, pretty paper.

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