When we use our words to destroy people, we are not giving of ourselves, we are taking from others. Sometimes we think that, by taking from others, we are building ourselves up. But what we take from others with word-chomps won’t become a part of us. What we take with harsh or violent words is simply sluffed off at the end of the day. They are emptied and we are not any more full.

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C.S. Lewis, in The Four Loves, explains that it’s an unfortunate turn of phrase to say that a man trolling the bars is looking for a woman. He is, Lewis points out, “not looking for a woman at all. He is looking for a pleasure for which a woman happens to be a necessary apparatus. And sadly one doesn’t ‘keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes’ so to speak. Love, if it is love, does not seek its own; it seeks the good of the one it loves.”

Love, according to a scripture, is not a passive emotional response. Love is aggressively giving yourself away for the good of another. It is aggressive in that it actively seeks the good of the loved. It is a giving of one’s self and the primary gift that is given in love is “me.”

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