This gets too close for comfort~ too close to exposing my true heart. Confessing in generalities is so much easier, isn’t it? Functionally, I am like the rich young ruler who has the audacity to say to Jesus of the utterly unkeepable law, “All these I have kept. What do I lack?”  I don’t actually think or say these words but my defensiveness when reproved betrays me.  “How can you say that about me?  I know I say I’m not perfect but you don’t have to agree with me!”  Yes, the rich young man and I are in the same support group alright.

Do you know people who don’t handle criticism or disapproval well?  Whose first response is to take offense and defend themselves? Who are, in a word, touchy? I do and, not surprisingly, I don’t like this trait in them. But, here’s the thing is, I’ve recently realized I am this person.  Not often outwardly but definitely in my heart~ you know, a closet offendee. This insight is rather new to me because, quite frankly, I’m mostly surrounded by gracious people who don’t point out my failings often.  I’ve confused this limited exposure to criticism with actual piety. So much so that I blissfully proclaimed to a friend just a few weeks ago,  “It takes a lot to offend me.” It seems the Lord didn’t agree with my favorable self assessment.  In two separate instances since then, he’s revealed to me in full color how shamefully self-impressed I am. How instinctively my heart bristles when challenged.  How easily I can morph a disagreement with one thing to a wholesale disapproval of me as a person.  It grieves me to be a Christian for so many years and still live in this body of death. Thank you, dear Holy Spirit, for inspiring fellow grieved sinner, the apostle Paul, to pen these life giving words “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” 

So why this touchiness? I’m sure there are several reasons, including fear of man (living for man’s approval).  But I believe the underlying root cause is pride. Though I’m willing to confess publicly I am a sinner in general, I don’t like others pointing out my sin in specific. This gets too close for comfort~ too close to exposing my true heart. Confessing in generalities is so much easier, isn’t it? Functionally, I am like the rich young ruler who has the audacity to say to Jesus of the utterly unkeepable law, “All these I have kept. What do I lack?”  I don’t actually think or say these words but my defensiveness when reproved betrays me.  “How can you say that about me?  I know I say I’m not perfect but you don’t have to agree with me!”  Yes, the rich young man and I are in the same support group alright.

Before going on, I’d like to add this clarification. The Bible doesn’t give us permission to point out others’ sins and failures willy-nilly and expect them not to be offended, thinking it’s their problem they are so sensitive. Quite the opposite. Scripture exhorts us to speak with words seasoned with love and concerned not to provoke others to sin. The Word teaches us to strive to not offend others and to not be easily offended ourselves.  These are not dichotomous teachings. They are both rooted in the command to love others sacrificially.  Both call us to believe  I am the chief of sinners who has a telephone pole stuck in my eye. I love others by intentionally not offending and intentionally not taking offense. I love others by intentionally choosing to believe the best in them, thinking them to be better than myself. Yes, I am called to speak the truth, but I am to do so in love and with their good in mind.  Only the love of Christ can compel me to live this way. Have mercy on me, O God! Create in me a new heart!

I can say now – I couldn’t two weeks ago- that I am thankful the Lord has shed light on my touchiness.  It is a mercy to see my sin and to be able to turn to him in faith and repentance. During this time of reflection, he has reminded me of Biblical truths which have both challenged and comforted me. I share these “random” insights, hoping that perhaps they can be a help to someone else who struggles in a similar fashion.

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