“It’s important to keep in mind that how depression manifests will vary not only from person to person, but relationship to relationship. We can give you some tips and suggestions, but only you and your partner can decide your boundaries, your compromises, and what you can handle.”

Being in a romantic relationship when one (or both) of you suffer from depression is a massive challenge. Depression can make your partner seem distant. They may feel like they’re a burden or close themselves off. None of that means your relationship is the problem. You two can tackle this together. Here’s how.

As I’ve discussed before, I struggled with depression for years. That didn’t stop me from trying to have relationships, but it affected each one differently. It’s important to keep in mind that how depression manifests will vary not only from person to person, but relationship to relationship. We can give you some tips and suggestions, but only you and your partner can decide your boundaries, your compromises, and what you can handle.

The good news is, it’s not hopeless. A depressed partner can cause stress in a relationship. So can a death in the family, money troubles, or disagreeing about whether Firefly is good or not. Depression isn’t the first problem couples have had, and it won’t be the last. Just like any other problem, you can seek therapy together and work through your problems. Here are some of the ways to do just that.

Don’t Take the Symptoms of Depression Personally

One of the key symptoms of depression is a naturally skewed sense of reality. Everything feels worse than it is, and some days it can be overwhelming just to drag yourself out of bed in the morning. When someone who is depressed is in a relationship, that lethargy can carry over into things like going on dates, having sex, or even carrying on basic conversations. If your partner seems to have lost interest in these essential elements of a relationship, it can hurt. It’s also very likely that the reason they’re not interested in those things has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Part of the problem is that most of the symptoms of depression directly contradict the characteristics of healthy, successful relationships. If your relationship is good, you both should be positive! You should be trying new things! You should have active social lives with other people! You should have sex regularly! There are very few relationship guides out there that say a successful relationship is one where your partner comes home from work, says very little, watches Netflix for four hours, then falls asleep for the next ten. What other couples see as warning signs are your normal routine.

Read More