Repentance is freedom! It is not your responsibility to coerce the other individual to forgive you. They may never forgive you. But when you have followed the seven A’s of confession, you have done your part in navigating true repentance. And in doing that, you have followed the way of God.

We live in an apology-averse culture.

We are allergic to repentance and forgiveness alike.

Think about it. When was the last time someone repented to you? I mean, truly repented?

The last time a congregant apologized to me, the email began this way (I’ve tweaked it only to protect the one who sent it), “I might have been a little harsh in my email.. I had a very bad week…” In further communication, the individual referenced their apology. I scratched my head. “When did they apologize?” I dug back through the email thread and saw those phrases. That is what they were referencing.

“I might have…” followed by an excuse is no apology.

I don’t say that to attack the individual I am referencing. I completely understand why, in our culture, they would think that they had apologized.

In our culture, we learn to apologize with phrases that look like this:

•   “Sorry.”
•   “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
•   “I know I shouldn’t have done that, but you shouldn’t have…”
•   “I wouldn’t have done that if…”
•   “That wasn’t my best.”

None of those are apologies.

By not learning how to apologize, we miss out on God’s purposes for our hearts and for the possibility of true reconciliation.

Apologizing is a matter of aligning ourselves with God’s truth. In 1 John 1:8-10, the apostle tells the church, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” In other words, forgiveness is available but requires asking for forgiveness.

We know this when it comes to others. “Why don’t they just ask for forgiveness?” we ask ourselves. “They’re making it so much worse.” We see the child turn the molehill of a small lie into the Rocky Mountains in their refusal to repent. We see a marriage crumble because of the unwillingness of one spouse to confess their sin.

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