Meanwhile, in a drawing room in Berlin in Late September, 1939…
Himmler: “Gentlemen, let us raise our glasses and toast the capture of Warsaw!”
Goering: “And let us not forget the brave pilots of the Luftwaffe who…”
(A staff officer hurriedly enters and whispers in Bormann’s ear for several minutes. An uncomfortable pause ensues.)
Goebbels: “Is something wrong?”
Bormann: “It seems Chamberlain and Daladier are still refusing to declare war.”
Goebbels: “But that is wonderful! It is just as the Fuhrer predicted!”
Bormann: “They have dismissed our successful invasion of Poland, as an ‘incident’ and they say…”
Goering: “What? What do they say?”
Bormann: “They say… That we are ‘lone wolves.’ They say that this has nothing to do with National Socialism!”
Goering: “What? But that’s absurd. Surely they know we were acting on the direct orders of the Fuhrer?”
Goebbels: “Haven’t they read his book? I mean, the invasion of the East is all clearly spelled out in Mein Kampf. How could they miss that?”
Bormann: “I don’t know.”
Himmler: “Surely you’re having us on Bormann? I mean, we’re all wearing National Socialist uniforms and we greet each other with ‘Heil Hitler!’ What could be more obvious than that?”
Goebbels: “And the armbands, what about the armbands? We’ve all got them!”
Goering: “I told the Fuhrer we needed to make the Swastikas on our airplanes bigger…”
Bormann: “I’m just telling you what I’ve heard!”
Himmler: “So what ARE they going to do?”
Bormann: “We are unsure. At present the French and the English are gathering in public places and holding up Kielbasas and signs saying ‘Je suis Pologne.’ Last week they were signing everything they wrote with “‪#‎BringbackourPoles‬.”
Goebbels: “What, all one word? With that tic-tac-toe thingy in front?”
Bormann: “Yes.”
Goering: “You’re kidding.”
Bormann: “No, I swear by the Fuhrer.”
Himmler: “The Pig Dogs! They’re mocking us!”
Goering: “How will this affect the planned invasion of France and the low countries?”
Bormann: “As far as we can tell, it will make it unbelievably easy. We’ve accelerated the schedule and our soldiers report that as long as they don’t have their weapons with them at the time, they can simply walk into their countries.“
Himmler: “Surely not even the subhumans are THAT stupid.
Bormann: “No, apparently they are. Many of them have already gone back to watching football and amusing short films about kittens. We’ve already managed to capture countless neighborhoods in France, Holland, and England and we’ve even put up “Nazi Only” signs in many areas.”
Goering: “Ah, and that must have given away the game, surely?”
Bormann: “No, apparently they are more afraid of being called ‘Naziphobic’ than they are of losing their own freedom.”
Goebbels: “I told you! Didn’t the Fuhrer say they were all cowards who would never go to war with National Socialism?”
Himmler: “Well then! Gentlemen, let us raise our glasses and toast the capture of EUROPE!”

Andy Webb is a Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church America and serves as Pastor of Providence Presbyterian Church in Fayetteville, NC. This article first appeared on his blog and is used with permission.