It’s not ordinary to resist the erotic pulls of the heart. It can be done only with the power God gives through union with Christ and his Spirit driving us to worship him and put him first in our lives. We commit our unmet desires to God for him to satisfy in his own way—in his own timing. This is not repression; it’s honestly admitting our desires—and yielding them to the God who knows us completely yet loves us with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3).

Sex, sexual desires, and our sexuality always exist to bless those around us. That idea may sound surprising, even shocking.

Modern psychology tells us—and, indeed, our entire culture seeks to convince us—that it’s harmful to resist or deny sexual desires and urges. They’re seen by many as simple biological needs that demand expression. We’re told that it’s unhealthy not to express sexual desires.

That might be true, were it not for the fact that sex, biblically speaking, never really is about “us”—about “me.” Biblical sex is about the other person. I would go so far as to say that how we use sex (within the confines of one man and one woman in marriage) and how we use our sexuality is always for the benefit of others and the glory of God.

Why Did God Give Sexual Desires?

Ideally, sex is about bringing all of who we are as male or female to bless someone else. As archaic as it may seem, the Bible tells us that sex blesses others and reflects God in the context of marriage between one man and one woman. Outside of this context, sexual activity is no longer a sanctified blessing but rebellion against God’s life-giving command.

Where then does this leave the unmarried, divorced, or widowed—God’s people who have legitimate, God-given sexual desires but no legitimate context for expressing them? Well, they are dependent on God to meet the heart’s desires that they might otherwise seek to fill through sex.

We voluntarily render and submit our hearts, minds, and bodies to Christ, as well as our desires. Sometimes we must do that on a daily basis.

But what about another scenario that God’s people might find themselves in—what about those who experience sexual desire towards the same sex? What about those who struggle with gender distress and are tempted to re-order their bodies to fit their perceived gender and live as the opposite sex? Like the unmarried, divorced, or widowed, God will meet their desires for things like intimacy, connection, and support in other ways. But there will never be a legitimate way to meet disordered desires. These must be addressed with the heart’s intent—especially with the help of others—to walk in faith, repentance, and obedience, continually seeking to put to death sinful desires.

Married folks may also be dealing with corrupt desires outside God’s boundaries. The point is that all sexual expression or sexual desires must be stewarded (that is, managed and supervised) by Scripture and under the Lordship of Christ. And, brothers and sisters, this is a life-long endeavor.

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