We don’t want to confront. We just want to wash our hands of the relationship. Commitment to Christ and commitment to others, however, calls for courage. Paul was courageous, “So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:6-8).

In this next (and fifth) piece on treating the relational disease that is toxicity, we return to two previous commitments exemplified by Jesus and imitated by Paul: the open statement of the truth, and the open heart to the offenders. We treat toxicity with godly confrontation. On the one hand, we remain firmly committed to the Truth, Jesus Christ, and his Word for all of life and godliness. On the other hand, we remain firmly committed to people, yes, even people who hurt us and whose ways may harm us. We follow Paul who followed Christ, and we persevere in our relationship, assessing and exhausting our channels of truth in love, striving to be at peace with everyone as far as it depends on us. We cannot say that we’ve exhausted all our options if we have failed to confront the offender, the so-called “toxic” person.

However, this is exactly the point many Christians don’t want to put pressure on. We don’t want to confront another person in sin. We may have good intentions but misunderstood interpretations of biblical texts. We may reason, “I won’t say anything. I’ll just cover it in love. Love covers a multitude of sins.” True enough, not everything must be confronted. Not every sin must be addressed by us or beaten out of the offender by our verbal bats. The theme of these articles has been so-called “toxic” relationships, and this kind of relationship is so harmful that the damage simply cannot be overlooked if the relationship is to have any hope of healing. Confrontation, therefore, is a must.

Confrontation of sin isn’t only a must, it’s a mercy. It’s a kindness. Love for others does not minimize or ignore sin. We please God when we address the other person’s sin with humility and commitment to true peace. If you’re righteous, and you confront someone God’s way, it is a godly service you’re doing for that person. Psalm 141:5 says as much: “Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it. Yet my prayer is continually against their evil deeds.” The rebuke may not feel like a kindness to them. It may not feel like oil, the blessing of the Holy Spirit. They may refuse it. Still, as you pray against their evil deeds and confront them because of the same, you are showing kindness to the sinner, while glorifying your holy God who hates sin wherever it is found.

The Apostle Paul could have just let the Corinthians go and live their sinful lives. But he chose the way of truth and compassion. His heart was open to the truth. His heart was open to these Corinthians. This double-wide openness meant godly confrontation.

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