“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NKJV)

This was her second meeting with the counselor. Ellen was regular in Sunday worship and active in her church. But something was stifling her Christian growth and contentment. It had gotten worse in recent months, so she had sought help from a Christian counselor.

A couple of sessions in, it came out that Ellen had been abused as a child. It was clear she was wracked with pain at the experience. The counselor tried to get her to open up and to express the hurt, still fresh after all these years.

But Ellen would have nothing of it. When the counselor probed, she didn’t merely skirt the subject; she guarded it like a pit bull. She made it clear that she hated her father and would never forgive him. In fact, she would not even consider the prospect.

As they met over the next few months, Ellen was willing to talk about everything but the abuse. It was like the counselor had free rein of the house, expect for one room at the center. On the door to that room was a circle. Within the circle was a cross, across which was stretched a diagonal line. No one admitted. Not even Jesus.*

What do we make of Ellen? On the one hand, we want to tell her to get over it. Forgive as she has been forgiven. Let it go and move on. We can bring out the big guns of God’s sovereignty, His will for her life, the liberating work of Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit to reason her into compliance. Just do it. Live and let live.

On the other hand, we want her to be real. We want her to acknowledge the trauma to her soul, to know the depths of her pain and to better know the power and sufficiency of the grace that has come to her. We want to treat her as a person growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and not just as some sort of broken appliance that can be fixed by mechanical repair.

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