In an article published on the website Babe, a woman called Grace accused actor Aziz Ansari of sexual assault, citing a rushed and uncomfortable sexual encounter that ended with her leaving in disappointment. By all accounts except hers, the story was not one of definitive sexual assault, so many commentators have since defended Ansari saying he is guilty of nothing but an unsatisfying sexual encounter. While it’s true there is no explicit violation of consent in the story, many still view it as painting an ugly picture of what sexual encounters have become for many participants of the hookup culture. 

After the Golden Globes aired, it seemed the #MeToo movement was reaching its stride. In the aftermath of news stories on the sexual exploitations of Harvey Weinstein and others in Hollywood, it appeared that women’s voices had earned some much-deserved airtime. “Time’s up!” exclaimed actors like Selma Hayak, who penned a December New York Times piece describing Weinstein’s abuse of power from her experience. From all indications, this was just the start of a new year and a new era for women’s voices being taken more seriously in the face of criminal sexual behavior. And given how much male impropriety had thrived in secrecy until now, this may still be the case, and I certainly hope so.

But over the weekend, something happened that produced an immediate chemical reaction within the #MeToo conversation. In an article published on the website Babe, a woman called Grace accused actor Aziz Ansari of sexual assault, citing a rushed and uncomfortable sexual encounter that ended with her leaving in disappointment. By all accounts except hers, the story was not one of definitive sexual assault, so many commentators have since defended Ansari saying he is guilty of nothing but an unsatisfying sexual encounter. While it’s true there is no explicit violation of consent in the story, many still view it as painting an ugly picture of what sexual encounters have become for many participants of the hookup culture.

It would appear that what we have today is more than just a consent problem.

As feminist writer, Jessica Valenti put it on Twitter,

A lot of men will read that post about Aziz Ansari and see an everyday, reasonable sexual interaction. But part of what women are saying right now is that what the culture considers ‘normal’ sexual encounters are not working for us, and oftentimes harmful.

Hookups today are looking mighty grim. Even when they don’t necessarily cross boundaries of consent, it would appear women are not enjoying the results of the sexual revolution very much.

And I’m not just saying this from the Babe-published anecdote. For years, tons of research has revealed that women are not benefiting as much as the popular culture today suggests.

For one, there is the growing phenomenon of “sex regret.” It may not be sexual assault, but it’s another important component of our culture’s sexual crisis that seems to be begging for attention. In a study completed by the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) and the University of Texas at Austin, researchers found the largest factor in predicting sex regret was whether they were male or female. Women reported greater instances of regret from partaking in a sexual encounter, whereas men were more likely to regret passing one up. Psychology professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair of NTNU, who earlier in 2017 authored a study on sex regret as well, told the Telegraph, “We’re not saying that there aren’t men who regret casual sex. But it is far more common for women to regret saying ‘yes.’ They are also less unequivocally happy about the experience.”

Not surprisingly, alcohol plays a role in all this. A 2012 study of 828 college students revealed that both men and women who had hooked up in the last year were more likely to have been drinking when they met their partners the night of the hookup. The same study found that “females who were drinking beforehand…were more likely to feel discontent with their hookup decisions.”

All this suggests that, while not every instance of disappointing hookup activity constitutes sexual assault, a lot of it involves activities women are not enjoying as much. So why are they going along with it?

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