Others have lost their children to the world who want nothing to do with the organized church and consequently with God. These pastor’s kids feel they’ve simply had enough. Should I mention our missionary friend whose daughter has an eating disorder? They are ashamed to make it public because Christian children don’t struggle with mental illness; do they?

In response to 3 Things Pastors (and Their Wives) Should Say Publicly More Often:

I too grew up as a pastor’s kid and wear that distinction with pride. Thankfully, I too am a pastor’s wife and love my church. In seminary I just couldn’t understand the women that were so hesitant to go into the ministry. What was their problem? Now I understand; they were wise.

Before you continue your insinuation that those who complain about the church don’t love their church, let me offer you a different perspective. Indeed, it is because of the deep love and life-long commitment that those in the ministry have for their church that they feel so hurt. Perhaps you should call a few of my friends about their experience.

First, I could give you the numbers of the families I know who are living with relatives even though their children are in high school. They’re in between churches right now. They had to leave, not because of an ethical issue, but because of a congregation that wanted them out. Then, let me give you the number of a friend of ours who couldn’t finish his sermons due to anxiety. It’s about impossible to preach to a group of people that you know neither love you nor support you.

Let me have you talk to the pastor’s wives who see their husbands stand in the narthex to greet people only to have members pass them by not even willing to shake their hand. You can also talk to the wives who watch their children sit in a Sunday School class alone and the teachers waiting to pass on the gospel to generations only to find they are nowhere to be seen. Better yet, I can give you the number of a widow who sat in a church that offered no love to her husband until he died of a heart attack.  Then their grief and love was palpable but it was offered far too late.

Finally, let me have you talk to the numerous families in ministry who have lost their very own children. Some are in the grave. They often have to smile politely when people talk about how God has a plan or ask if they feel that they’re “over it.”

Others have lost their children to the world who want nothing to do with the organized church and consequently with God. These pastor’s kids feel they’ve simply had enough. Should I mention our missionary friend whose daughter has an eating disorder? They are ashamed to make it public because Christian children don’t struggle with mental illness; do they?

My heart burns for the church; my life is devoted to the church but I understand those whose life circumstances have stretched them beyond what they thought they could endure.

Go ahead. Talk to them. Question them about their doubts. Ask them about the costs of their ministry. And then you can write your blog.

Christa Sutherland is a pastor’s wife and a member of Faith Presbyterian Church (ARP) in Olney, Maryland