The PCA’s analogy to a wedding is the service of ordination prescribed by our Book of Church Order. Here, vows to fidelity are made primarily with respect to upholding our doctrinal standards….So essential are these doctrinal standards to our unity that teaching elders (ministers) must vow “to be zealous and faithful in maintaining the truths of the Gospel and the purity and peace of the Church,” even to the point of withstanding persecution (BCO 21-5)

On January 17, 2012, a “Meeting of Understanding” was held in which 50 invited pastors discussed issues of unity and charity in the PCA. In descriptions of this event, it was inevitable that comparisons to marriage would be made. PCA Stated Clerk L. Roy Taylor pointed out that “one of the greatest challenges in a marriage is communication” in order “not only to seek to live together in harmony, but also to function as a family.” This analogy of a church body to a marriage is most appropriate since both are covenant relationships ordained by God and the relationship of the church to Christ is described by the apostle Paul in terms of marriage (Eph. 5:32).

Like most pastors, I have performed a large number of weddings and have spent almost countless hours in marital counseling. I can attest that communication is indeed one of the more difficult and important issues in a marriage, and it is therefore worthy of a great deal of effort, thought, and repentance as needed (and repentance is almost always needed!). In a healthy marriage, partners are careful how they speak to one another, both in terms of the content and the tone of their speech. The same should be true of partners in a church denomination. Therefore, if the “Meeting of Understanding” contributes to more careful and godly communication in our denomination we will be greatly blessed.

The Need for Faithfulness

Another thing a pastor learns through his ministry to marriages is that communication is not sufficient to guarantee union and blessing. Communication serves unity, but only faithfulness can establish union in a marriage or a church. This is why the wedding service is centered around holy vows that solemnly bind a bride and groom to clearly stated expectations and obligations. In the form of service that I use, the groom is asked, “Have you a token to give of your fidelity to this covenant?” “I have,” he answers, and places the wedding ring on the bride’s finger, “as a symbol and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love.” The bride then repeats the words as she gives her ring to the groom. By pledging “constant faith and abiding love,” the couple commits to a relationship that marries faithfulness in action and understanding in the way they interact.

Like any pastor, I have witnessed the need for both of these virtues if a marriage is to succeed. Sometimes I will meet with a couple where one has broken faith with his or her vows, or where a partner suspects that infidelity may be taking place. In this situation, care must always be taken in how they speak and act towards one another. In many cases, I have been unable even to meet with the couple together because of the vitriol in their language. Here is where the “Meeting of Understanding” makes an important point with respect to charitable communication within the PCA. But effective communications must serve and not replace the restoration of trust through demonstrated fidelity.

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