If I understand the Bible’s teaching about the depravity of man and the deep-seated sinfulness of the believer, then I think it’s safe to say that we fall short of the Lord’s standards for us as husbands and fathers far more often than we actually meet those standards. That being the case, we ought to be the lead sin-confessors in our homes. Yet, this is seldom how it actually works in our homes.

You have been on my heart for some time, which is likely because I am one of you.  I am a relatively young man (i.e. under 40), who is also a Christian, a husband, and a father.  You are my peers. And I am writing to you today, because seldom a day goes by where I am not reminded that we all have a whole lot to learn.

Let me share a little more about myself before I get to the reason for this letter.  I am fast-approaching 39 years of age and have been married for nearly 19 years. Yes, I married young.  Too young, in fact. But God is sovereign and good, and so despite “many dangers, toils, and snares” in our marriage we are pressing on by grace toward another nineteen years and then some.  I have made many mistakes along those 19 years as a husband (which I’ve written about in years past), some of them I’m still coming to understand and still trying to correct.  You would think that there would be little grace left for a husband like me, but God is an infinite God and his grace is an infinite grace.  For that I am most grateful.

In addition to being a husband, I am also a father of three, ranging from age 15 (almost) to age 3.  Our oldest is in Driver’s Ed this week, while our youngest (whom we adopted in 2017) just spent nearly an entire morning playing with her new plush unicorn (pronounced wee-corn) pillow.  On some of the more overwhelming of days, I admit that my parenting goal amounts to simply trying not to screw my kids up worse than they already have been by Adam’s sin, their sin, as well as my own.  I won’t be writing any parenting books anytime soon, let’s put it that way. That is, unless the title of that book is, What Not to Do as a Parent, or something to that effect.

Now, to the reason for this letter.

Both personal experience and my observation as a pastor suggest to me that a lot of young(ish) Christian husbands and fathers could use some counsel regarding how not to blow it in their younger years as husbands and fathers.  If you agree, I hope this letter will be helpful to you in some way. And if you don’t agree, perhaps you will by the end of this letter, assuming you keep reading beyond this point.

First, I’d like to point out some common ways young Christian husbands and fathers tend to fall short in their roles at home, and then offer a few words of advice for guys like us to help us do a better job at loving our families as God calls us to do.

Ways We Fall Short

Obviously not every man will be guilty of each of these things to the same degree – and some of us are perhaps even excelling in one or more of these areas.  These are simply some common ways that we fall short as Christian husbands and fathers. Those ways include:

• We pour ourselves into our jobs and leave little for our families.

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