No substitute—no program, policy, or well-meaning mentor—can completely fill the void left by an absent dad. If we want to address the root causes of crime, poverty, and brokenness in our communities, we must start by restoring the role of fathers in the lives of their children.
During my years working the gang detail in Los Angeles County, I met countless young men and women caught up in the world of gangs. Over time, a single theme emerged—one that cut across backgrounds, neighborhoods, and stories. Nearly every gang member I encountered suffered from the same affliction: a profound lack of dad.
“Lack of dad” took many forms. Some kids never knew their fathers because their mothers weren’t sure who the father was. Others had dads locked away for crimes, serving long sentences. Some fathers were physically present but emotionally absent—lost to addiction, or too consumed by work and language barriers to play any real role in their children’s lives. The reasons varied, but the result was always the same: fathers were missing, and their children drifted, rudderless.
This problem isn’t unique to Los Angeles, nor is it new. In America, we now hold the dubious distinction of having the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 18.4 million children—one in four—grow up without a biological, step, or adoptive father at home. Of the roughly 11 million single-parent homes, nearly 80 percent are headed by single mothers. Half of these mothers have never married; the rest are divorced, separated, or widowed.
Americans recognize the scope of this crisis. When asked, most cite fatherlessness as the most pressing problem facing our country. This “lack of dad” has been growing for generations. Years ago, a President addressed a church in Chicago and put it plainly: “Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation… But if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that too many fathers also are missing—missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it”.
Today, men are less interested in children than ever before. Studies show a growing number of childless men simply don’t want kids—and wouldn’t mind never having them. Many gang members I met had fathers who seemed uninterested in parenting, even after they’d brought children into the world.
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