Even the best marriages go through seasons that are not always easy, where it takes real effort to love one another, where the road seems full of ruts, bumps, and potholes. This is one of the truths that it is so important for newly married couples to know ahead of time so they don’t lose hope when they enter a difficult season. Just as there is an ebb and flow to life, so there is in marriage. There will be seasons where loving one another is effortless, and there will be other seasons where loving one another is a commitment that requires effort.

Romantic love never grows old. It’s a theme in classic literature, a thread through every Shakespeare play, and the storyline of countless Hollywood movies. But every writer, poet, and storyteller is only retelling a story already told. Romance originated with God. It is one of God’s amazing creations. What a mind to be able to create something like romantic love.

Even before the world broke with sin, the first man’s heart longed for the sweet romantic love of a bride. And God made him one.

The other day I said to my husband, Imagine the kind of marriage Adam and Eve would have had before the fall. So we had fun imagining. They would have laughed so much. They would have enjoyed every moment together. They never would have fought. They never would have gotten irritated. They never would have been selfish. They never would have spoken an unkind word. Sex would have literally been amazing every time.

A perfect romance in a perfect marriage in a perfect world.

But then Eve was deceived and Adam chose to believe a lie. In that instant, not only was there a fracture in their relationship with God but sin also infected the relationship between husband and wife. Romantic love—this gift created by God and given to His first people—was suddenly and forever changed.

Romance would never again be perfect.

The first couple began sinning against each other and every wife and every husband since has known the same battle. Even in marriages that are loving, faithful, and happy, sin still plays a role.

Even though earthly romance will always be imperfect, God transforms us with abundant grace and gospel hope as we live life alongside our spouse. As we navigate the joys and the struggles of the marriage relationship, here are five things not to do:

1. Don’t delay repentance and forgiveness.With sin comes the need for repentance and forgiveness. It’s just the way marriage is. We have hope, believing that as we mature in Christ, we’ll sin less and love better. But even in the best marriages where there is a climate of mutual love and respect, sin is still going to rear its head. So the question is not, Will there be sin? but How will we respond when we have sinned or been sinned against?

   Sometimes our instinct is to stay mad, stay cold, or stay distant just a little bit longer when we’ve been sinned against. Even when we’re approached in sincere repentance, we feel this fleshly instinct to cling to our anger. Don’t do this! A response of delayed forgiveness can often be more destructive than the initial sin. We should forgive quickly and completely.

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