“The difference between good and bad marriages is not that good marriages don’t struggle. The difference between good and bad marriages is that the good ones know how to handle conflict in a Christ-like, respectful, and humble way. How do the two of you handle conflict? Do you tend to leave things lingering?”

Thinking about getting engaged?

While ring shopping is certainly a key part of the big day, there is a much more important part to your preparation. What follows are 12 topics couples should consider before taking things to the next relational level.

As you read through these, I want to pass on a wise word someone shared with me before I was married: As now, so then. Meaning, as someone is now, so you can expect them to be in marriage.

Don’t marry someone on potential. These questions will help you evaluate, not if someone is perfect (only Jesus is), but if they are the kind of person who will make your life-long journey with Jesus both fruitful and enjoyable.

1. Fun

If you’re going to spend the rest of your life in a relationship, you need to enjoy spending time together. A person may be godly, but if you get bored or don’t enjoy spending time together, its not a good sign.

Do I enjoy being with this person? Do we laugh together?

If you don’t, then it may be time to pull the plug.

2. Friendship

If you get married, your spouse will be your best friend. That means your boyfriend or girlfriend needs to be a good friend long before he or she becomes your spouse.

Can you see yourself spending the rest of your time growing as friends? Will he or she be a good partner and teammate in life and ministry?

What do you enjoy about your friendship? In what ways does your friendship need to grow?

3. Faith

Few things are more important in a relationship than what you believe about God, life, and eternity.

Do you share the same fundamental beliefs? Do you share the same view on Scripture (authoritative and sufficient)?

Do you agree on your understanding of the Trinity, the gospel, salvation, sin, and Christ?

Look at the person’s life and start asking some questions about how he or she lives out his or her faith.

Does he or she deliberately live out a life of faith? Is there noticeable fruit and godliness?

Does he or she have a servant’s heart? What do other people say about his faith?

What does your pastor or pastor’s wife think about him or her?

If you don’t see clear evidence of faith, then you need to ask yourself (and the other person) some hard questions:

Do they have a steady devotional life? If not, why not?

Do they show a desire to obey Jesus in all things? If not, why not?

Are they faithfully serving in their local church? If not, why not?

Do you agree what type of church you should go to? If not, what are your theological differences?

This is an edited excerpt from “So You Want to Get Engaged?” by Deepak Reju and Scott Croft.  The full-length article (highly recommended) contains tons of excellent information for couples heading toward marriage and those who are shepherding them along. [Editor’s note: the original URL (link) referenced is no longer valid, so the link has been removed.]