The terminal goal of raising children is not athletic success, good grades, or marriage, but guiding sons and daughters to glorify God in all spheres of life. Fatherhood is Great Commission ministry (Matt. 28:18–20). Children are a stewardship from God, and while each parent plays an essential role in the maturing of a child, fathers are spiritual leaders who must be in the vanguard of making disciples (Deut. 6:7; Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21). 

When my parents separated in 1983, our family moved cities for employment. I and my five siblings were left without regular access to our father, seeing him about twice a year. I was ten years old. Those were painful and chaotic years that resulted in much strife, infighting, lack of household leadership, and poverty. However, as dreadful as that experience was, the Lord saw fit to use the event and its aftermath to instill within me a desire to seek out godly role models who were willing to equip me to be a godly father to my future children.

Over the coming years the Lord would provide mentors, Sunday school teachers, youth leaders, and other thoughtful Christian men to fill the relational void, instruct me in the Word, and model male leadership. Four decades later, I not only have loving relationships with my parents but have also been blessed with five godly children and a growing number of grandchildren. I love being a dad, and I believe that with the help of the Lord, Christian men are well resourced to excel in godly fatherhood! 

Clearly, despite the paternal absence that many children face, fatherlessness is not a curse that consigns men to lifelong incompetence when they begin raising their own children. God, by his grace, can equip men to parent godly offspring—regardless of their deficient family history or cultural disadvantages. Whether one’s father was proactive or passive, present or absent, Christian fathers must investigate the Scriptures for instruction, hold fast to biblical principles, and learn from others that have succeeded in child-rearing. The wisdom of God is applicable to all spheres, and if fatherhood is a stewardship God has afforded a man, he can lead with confidence.

Three Enduring Values of Godly Fathers

Fatherhood can be an overwhelming, frustrating, and failing endeavor if men have no foundation upon which to lead. But there are three enduring values that guide godly fatherhood—values that form the backbone of this essay. The acrostic D.A.D. will serve as a mnemonic:

• Godly fathers value Doctrine.
• Godly fathers value Assessment.
• Godly fathers value Discipleship.

The spiritual fruit of godly households borne from these values can be entrusted to our sovereign God with the hopeful anticipation that he will honor the effort (Prov. 22:6).

How do these values equip men to become competent and godly fathers?

1. Godly Fathers Value Doctrine: How Does the Bible Inform Fatherhood?

The Bible is filled with references to fatherhood. Since the Word of God is the final authority, Christian fathers must study Scripture and in particular,1) pay careful attention to the divine origin of fatherhood, 2) cherish the creational mandate to take dominion and be fruitful (Gen. 1:26–28), and 3) obey applicable biblical instructions. Unfamiliarity with God’s Word, passive indifference toward doctrine, temptation to replace the Bible with sociological insights, or willingness to adopt cultural norms disjointed from biblical doctrine is sure to result in defeat.

The word father appears in fifty-eight of the sixty-six books of the Bible.[1] Among the references to father there are divine names that present God as Father, trinitarian theology that teaches an eternal Father-Son relationship, male and female names built off the root word father, positive and negative examples, directives for raising children, commands for children to honor their father and mother, and the assertion that children are rewards from God. 

God as Father

The original and eternal father is God. God’s fatherly nature is borne out in numerous divine names including: “everlasting Father” (Isa. 9:6), “Father in heaven” (Matt. 6:9), “God our Father” (Eph. 6:2), “Father of lights” (James 1:17), “holy Father” (John 17:11), “living Father” (John 6:57), and “Abba, Father” (Mark 14:36). As the heavenly Father, God: 1) possesses authority over his children (Exod. 4:11–12), 2) is trustworthy in all things (Num. 23:19), 3) is an ever-present help (Ps. 46:1), 4) communicates laws and expectations (Exod. 19–20), 5) provides (2 Pet. 1:3), and 6) disciplines his children (Prov. 3:12). All these divine characteristics supply human fathers with parallel insights into their duties and responsibilities. Unlike Father God, men will occasionally fail to live out these expectations; they will most certainly fail if they ignore them! The heavenly Father’s relationship with his children serves as a general paradigm for earthly fathers. For this reason alone, fathers who are submissive to God have a massive advantage over self-governed men. 

The Divine Father-Son Relationship

While the Father is not superior in essence to the Son, he possesses authority over the Son in his human nature, as the Son obeys the Father in fulfillment of God’s eternal plan (the Pactum Salutis). Because the Father-Son relationship is analogical to human fathers and their sons, earthly fathers and their sons can learn from and imitate the relationship of God the Father and his Son, especially in its economic expression (i.e., what the Incarnate Son does in creation). Specific to John’s Gospel then, a father and son can and should take up a unity of mission and a proper sense of authority and submission, as well as seeking to glorify the other. Indeed, while there is no univocal way to imitate the Father and Son and Holy Spirit, there are many analogical ways.

Human fathers have authority while never diminishing the full humanity and value of their children. Fathers are equal to their children as made in the imago dei, but they are assigned temporal authority over their households until their children leave and cleave (Gen. 2:24). Children in turn are to honor and respect fatherly authority, strive for unity of purpose and mission, humbly take direction, love, and obey without concluding that they are being devalued. Wise fathers will instruct children in these truths and, by that, avoid much conflict.

Honor your Father

In the Word of God, fatherhood is presented as an honorable state, as the fifth commandment in the Decalogue states: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exod. 20:12). The inclusion of the Hebrew word for father (Ab) in the etymology of numerous biblical names further amplifies the honor afforded fathers. Names include: Abram (exalted father), Abiathar (father of plenty), Abihu (my father is he), Abishag (father of error), Absalom (father of peace), Ahab (father’s brother), Eliab (God is one’s father), and Joab (YHWH is father). In some cases, the inclusion of Ab depicts a child’s idealized relationship to his/her father (e.g. Abigail, which means “my father’s joy”). At other times, a name would point past the human father to God as Father (e.g. Abiel means “God is my father”). The role of a father was honored in the naming of children, fecundity producing many children was considered a blessing from God (Deut. 7:14), and infertility was mourned (Gen. 25:21). 

God’s provision of children is described as a heritage and reward from God (Ps. 127:3). This is a salient declaration for fathers to hear in view of the modern proclivity both to willfully murder preborn children through abortion or to classify children as barriers to vocational and economic advancement. Consider that over 1.1 million preborn babies are murdered annually in Canada and the USA alone. Male celebrities like Christopher Walken, Seth Rogan, or Bill Maher, who many have looked to as role models, have publicly disavowed fatherhood in order to focus on their careers and other interests. In stark contrast, Christian fathers affirm the full humanity of children from conception onward and consider them a reward, a joy, and a heritage bestowed by God.

Positive and Negative Examples

Fatherhood’s foundational influence on families and tribes is present in genealogies, narratives, and proverbs which feature: 1) wicked fathers, 2) passive fathers, and 3) godly fathers. Wicked fathers often produce wicked offspring as evidenced in the half-year reign of Zechariah son of Jeroboam who “. . . did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, as his fathers had done. He did not depart from the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, which he made Israel to sin” (2 Kgs. 15:9). Passive fathers often produce worthless children, as evidenced in Eli’s life. As useful as this priest was in shaping the spiritual life of the prophet Samuel, he chose passive-indifference with his own two sons who became “worthless men” that “did not know the Lord” (1 Sam. 2:12). As a refreshing contrast, the Bible optimistically observes, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). Godly fathers can anticipate a reward for the biblical training given to their children.

All three types can be found in every era, including a good many passive fathers in Christian churches today. Where did male passivity originate? It originated in Adam! The first man’s failure to guard his wife against the serpent’s lies, and subsequent participation in sin, resulted in the Fall of humanity (Gen. 3:1–7). The Edenic passivity of Adam, who was equipped and commissioned to lead, has been passed down to his sons, who must identify and repent of this sin in every subsequent generation.

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