But I never blamed God, and I never asked why Mark or why me. I understood more acutely than ever before the inescapable truth that suffering is part of this life, and it does not discriminate. What matters most in those dark and often lonely moments of fear and grief is how we respond to what sometimes feels like an unendurable burden.

Last week the Chicago Tribune published an opinion piece by Rebecca Cohen, whose third child was diagnosed with a condition at a 20-week ultrasound that would result in death within hours of birth. In an eloquent essay, Cohen argued that aborting the baby was the best option, which is why she opposes a ban on abortion after 20 weeks of gestation. I disagree.

My husband and I faced a similar situation with our fifth son, Mark Anthony Ives. At the 20-week ultrasound, we found out that our son had a diaphragmatic hernia. Essentially, the diaphragm splits the abdomen in half with vital organs like the liver, kidneys and stomach below, and the heart and lungs above. If the diaphragm is incomplete, the organs below invade the space where lungs should develop. Few, if any, babies survive this deformity, especially if caused by a genetic abnormality.

First, we asked if there were a surgical remedy to correct the deformity. Surgeons on both coasts had done some experimental in utero surgeries but with little success, and no surgeon would take patients whose abnormality resulted from a genetic cause. Unfortunately, we soon learned that Mark’s abnormality was genetically based and therefore a certain death sentence at birth.

At that point, our high-risk pregnancy doctor strongly suggested we abort the baby. In our conversation, the doctor spoke as if that were the obvious, most reasonable option. The thought of aborting Mark entered my mind for a few brief moments. How convenient, no one needs to think about this anymore, no increased medical expenses, no carrying the baby for 20 more weeks, no painful choice on how to respond to cheerful comments about my impending birth. The problem would just go away, and I could get back to caring for our other four boys.

But those moments passed quickly. I knew the decision to end Mark’s life was neither mine nor my husband’s to make. And thankfully my pro-life doctor knew this too. Dr. Michael Hussey took me aside and said we are going to see this baby through to his natural end.

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