Granted, it may very well be that I am telling myself all of this so I can sleep at night and function during the day. Churches may be small due to theology, choice, geography, backwardness, style, character or a host of other reasons. For my part, being smaller isn’t necessarily bad. Frankly, I really like knowing these folks at a deeper level.

Although I grew up in the rural South and cut my spiritual teeth in a small, rural church, I never really fancied myself remaining there voluntarily in adulthood.

As a ministerial student, I followed a common track through a Baptist college and seminary. Although I began ministry in a small, rural congregation, I ultimately went to a larger church, which, while located in the country, was more of a suburban/small town church in terms of character.

After almost two decades there, I still aspired to a larger church – maybe just to see if I had what it took to function in such a setting or to satisfy my vanity.

Joel Gregory’s story, “Too Great a Temptation,” reflected my weakness. Hull and Peter’s 1969 book, “The Peter Principle,” may have come true in me.

In more contemporary church lingo, I went from a small farm to a large farm to a ranch, and now I am going through a series of medium-sized farms as both an interim pastor and now an installed pastor. It is wonderful.

Embarrassed, I admit that I never adjusted to the ranch.

At heart, I am a hands-on kind of pastor. I prefer to visit when visits are needed, to bury all deceased members and to be where I think I am needed most of the time, rather than to turn so much over to capable staff and laity.

My bent in that direction destined me to fatigue, frustration and burnout on the ranch. Toward the end of that experience, I felt like a failure.

With several years to reflect, I am not sure that was the case. Here is why.

I confess that I allowed myself to be caught up in the desire to be always upwardly mobile. Success meant bigger, better and more. In the end, it wasn’t for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I salute all those pastors and staff who serve large churches or who take small- and medium-sized churches to new numerical and ministry heights.

It takes special, admirable gifts and a calling to serve in those situations that I must be somehow lacking. While envious of some of those gifts, I am who I am.

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