God has done for me what He did for Paul when He sent him his thorn in the flesh, which Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12. Paul acknowledged that his physical illness was a messenger from Satan. But he realized that Satan, in turn, was on God’s leash. God sovereignly governs the acts of Satan. Therefore, Paul could see the hand of God in his disease.

In July 1985 I became an insulin-dependent diabetic, and my first book, Money Possessions, and Eternity, was published. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me—becoming a diabetic, I mean. Getting published was good too, but it didn’t do nearly as much for my spiritual life as getting sick did.

I had always been a strong and healthy person. Suddenly, four to five times a day, I needed to take blood tests and stick a needle in my side to inject insulin. (In the last few years, I’ve transitioned to a pump.) I’ve kept that up for forty years, every day without exception. There are times when I feel pretty lousy. I’m often tired, and my blood sugar sometimes swings up and down. When it’s up, I feel very tired; when it’s down, I get weak and become confused and disoriented. I begin to say things that don’t make sense. (A friend of mine teases me about this, but I point out to him that in those moments I’m acting like he acts all the time.)

So why do I say becoming an insulin-dependent diabetic was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me? There are a lot of reasons. One is that I understand weak, sick, and hurting people in a way I never did when I was strong and healthy. There’s a tendency for the healthy to have one basic response to the sick and weak, and that’s “suck it up.” Now, I’m all for sucking it up, and often that’s very good advice, but it’s also true that some things are outside of our control.

Gaining a sense of recognition of how my life has been outside of my control all along has had a profound effect on me. I had always been self-sufficient and independent, more like my father than I care to admit. He was an independent, self-sufficient unbeliever, and I was an independent, self-sufficient believer. But neither of us would be characterized as needy, at least not on the outside. We were in control, and we took pride in being in control. I was a decent pastor, and I could usually count on my mind working well. (I’m so grateful my dad admitted his spiritual need and came to faith at age 84.)

God has been very gracious to allow me not to experience the debilitating effects some insulin-dependent diabetics undergo.

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