As someone who struggles with same-sex attraction I think it’s important to pray in two ways. First, “God give me a heart that wants what you want and forgive me for (intentionally or unintentionally) wanting what is not good.” Second, “Father, I long for the day that all my wants will align with yours, come quickly, Lord Jesus.” In this way, we pray against the particular sin and against the experience of temptation that we did not choose.

So, I received an excellent comment on the blog last week. Joanne writes:

Boy, are you a deceiver and a wolf. Homosexuality and all its vulgar side-practices (bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia) are absolutely forbidden by God and for His perfect reasons (there is nothing positive about that unnatural, dirty, anti-Godly, abnormal, filthy, family-undermining, God-dishonoring, disease-spreading, disgusting, etc. thing). Stop living sin, and turn to Jesus Christ.

I mean, talk about high quality vitriol, right? Could this commenter have been anymore stereotypic for a fundamentalist Christian? This is the kind of stuff that drives me nuts. A couple quick thoughts.

First, obviously the commenter thinks I’m promoting homosexual behavior and lifestyle as a viable option for Christians … which most readers of my blog know is ridiculous. As a Christian who experiences same sex attraction, believes it’s a sin to act on, and attempts to walk daily in humble repentance, I think the commenter and I would be on the same side in some respect. Lesson: don’t comment unless you’ve taken the time to understand first.

Second, for people who are regularly the object of such hateful and un-winsome representations of biblical Christianity, please forgive the church. Comments like the one above don’t actually represent Jesus way of calling sexual sinners to repentance. While comments like that are stones cast, Jesus said, “Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” So first, he protects the woman in deep sexual sin from self-righteous jack-wagons. Then, he says, “Go and sin no more.” He doesn’t stop with calling the self-righteous to repentance, he also calls the sexual sinner to repentance. Biblical Christianity celebrates God’s good plan for sex, and invites all people to come to the good through faith in Christ and to leave anything short of God’s best plan behind.

Finally, maybe I’m misunderstanding the commenter completely. I’m assuming she thinks that I’m advocating same sex sexual behavior. But, what if she means to say “you chose to be gay and you’re going to hell if you keep experiencing that attraction.” If that’s what she means, then we’re talking about an entirely different issue. You see, I believe that acting on same sex attraction is sin – in thought (fantasy), word (advocacy), and deed (intercourse, self stimulation, pornography use, etc.) Over the years, I’ve probably been less clear about the experience of the attraction itself. Is it “sin” to be sexually attracted to people of the same gender. That question is far more complicated.

Let’s start from the standard. God created us male and female and blessed us with sex to be fruitful and multiple (and to enjoy, and to enjoy our spouse, and to bond us together, et. al.). So, opposite sexual attraction, for your spouse, for God honoring purposes (rather than self-serving) is the good that God designed and intends. So, anything off the mark of God’s design is technically sin. In fact the Hebrew word for sin means “off the mark.”

But there’s a difference between particular sin, and what I’ll call the general affects of sin. Particular sins are those which we commit, intentionally or unintentionally, by thoughts, words, or deeds, or by the neglect of some duty. My understanding of the general affects of sin, though, is that we live in a fallen broken world where all people are tempted and drawn to things they shouldn’t be, where sickness and tragedy claim lives, and where the sins of others cause our suffering.

The temptation toward same sex activity might fit in both. For example, the tenth commandment makes is particular sin to want anything that isn’t rightfully yours, and if you want a person’s body (want without intending to want even!) you’ve broken the tenth commandment. But that you want someone who’s of the same gender rather than of opposite gender and your spouse is probably shaped in some part by non-particular sin – that is, the general brokenness of the world. Some combination of family relationships, biology, trauma, and experience shaped your sexual sin as it is today, whatever form it takes.

So, as someone who struggles with same-sex attraction I think it’s important to pray in two ways. First, “God give me a heart that wants what you want and forgive me for (intentionally or unintentionally) wanting what is not good.” Second, “Father, I long for the day that all my wants will align with yours, come quickly, Lord Jesus.” In this way, we pray against the particular sin and against the experience of temptation that we did not choose.

In short, I don’t think anyone chooses what he will be tempted by, sexually or otherwise. But we do choose what to do with that desire. So, don’t be a jack-wagon and lump all people who experience same-sex attraction in together; rather, understand that believers are still wrestling with how to talk about, repent of, and experience the grace and love of God in the midst of a sin pattern where it’s still sometimes hard to answer the question, “where does this sin begin?”

Allan Edwards is a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America and serves as pastor of Kiski Valley PCA in Leechburg, PA.  This article appeared on his blog and is used with permission.