“If you are waiting for your husband for whatever reason, first of all, your sorrow is legitimate. It is extremely hard. But none of your tears or prayers will be wasted. There is great value in your waiting, praying, hoping, and surrendering. God desires to work in your marriage, but it may begin with you.”

I was a wife willing to stay and keep my vow, no matter what. I desired a good thing—a godly marriage. Yet I failed when that desire became a demand I placed on my husband who chased the elusive mistress of alcohol. He was locked in the prison of addiction while I was held captive by my pain.

If you are waiting for your husband for whatever reason, first of all, your sorrow is legitimate. It is extremely hard. But none of your tears or prayers will be wasted. There is great value in your waiting, praying, hoping, and surrendering. God desires to work in your marriage, but it may begin with you.

Here are some truths to consider while you wait:

Ask the Lord for wisdom. For a wife in a difficult circumstance, it’s vital that she continually ask the Lord for wisdom. The fog of hurt clouds judgment; seek wise counsel and prayerfully make decisions that align with God’s Word. If there is any physical abuse of any kind, get away from the situation immediately and get help!

Remember that God is working even when you don’t see it. It is impossible with your limited knowledge to see all God is doing to draw your husband to Him. You might not see evidence of conviction for years. That doesn’t mean God isn’t pursuing him. Remember that God has an eternal perspective. His timetable is not your own.

If your husband isn’t saved, don’t expect him to act like it. You can’t believe the kind of movies your husband watches or the language that spews out of his mouth. He doesn’t like to go to church and becomes agitated when you bring up anything to do with God. Darkness doesn’t like light that exposes sin. If he doesn’t have a relationship with Christ, he doesn’t have the Holy Spirit to help him discern. His eyes are not open and his ears do not hear. Pray that the blinders would be removed from his eyes.

Be a peacemaker. That doesn’t mean you don’t stand up to sin. But, be respectful of your husband as a person—and of his family. You can hate the sin without disrespecting the sinner. Be cautious with information you share with others. Guard your mouth carefully around everyone, especially your children.

Don’t allow despair to be your identity. Often when you’ve dealt with a particular hardship over a long period of time, you can grow comfortable in the sorrow. You know what it is to live in that place of hurt, and you know the reaction you get from others as they feel for you. It is important to receive sympathy, but don’t remain in a pit of despair.

Have a right theology. Thinking it isn’t fair to have hardship or loss is bad theology and will tilt your perspective of your sovereign God. God hasn’t disappointed you; man has! God is the one constant in your life. In all of time, if anything wasn’t fair it was piercing the hands and feet of the totally innocent God-man for your vile sins. Repent of your bitterness toward God. Ask Him to give you a right perspective of His love for you.

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