Two men, two pursuits, two paths. Bill wanted to marry but remains single today. Mark was single and content, but now he’s married to Andrea. Often God’s path is not what we expect or once even wanted. For some, it’s singleness; for others, it’s marriage. Yet the goal for all — single or married, same-sex or opposite-sex attracted — is holiness.

At 33 years old, Bill became a Christian after pursuing same-sex relationships for eleven years. As a new believer, he was very open to marrying a woman and even starting a family. However, now thirty years later, he remains unmarried and has found godly contentment as a single man. Bill leads a full life of ministry and mentors many men with experiences similar to his own.

After years in the gay community, Mark also put his faith in Christ. His new life as a Christian did not come with any sexual or romantic interest in the opposite sex. He was ready and content to be single for the rest of his life — assuming it was his only truly Christian option.

Mark became best friends with Andrea, also a new follower of Christ. She came out of a broken past with abusive boyfriends and even a couple abortions. Because those relationships were toxic, she’d decided to hold off on dating and focus on her relationship with God. The two felt safe together. Mark knew she didn’t want to date, and Andrea knew he wasn’t attracted to girls. Their love for each other was deep but platonic.

After some time, Mark began noticing some things about her that he never noticed before. New affections blossomed — both physical and emotional. He built up enough courage and asked Andrea out on a date. After several months of dating, he asked her to marry him. And on their wedding night, he confessed to his new bride, “Honey, I can’t explain this. I’m not attracted to any other women. I’m only attracted to you.”

Two men, two pursuits, two paths. Bill wanted to marry but remains single today. Mark was single and content, but now he’s married to Andrea. Often God’s path is not what we expect or once even wanted. For some, it’s singleness; for others, it’s marriage. Yet the goal for all — single or married, same-sex or opposite-sex attracted — is holiness.

Breaking Bad Paradigms

We live in a world of countless shades of grey — not just fifty. Ambiguity is the innocuous but nefarious overture to false teaching. Thus, we must welcome every opportunity to lovingly communicate that biblical morality is unsurprisingly and beautifully black and white. As such, we cannot say that heterosexuality in all its forms is holy or God’s perfect standard.

Heterosexuality is defined as “pertaining to sexual relations between people of opposite sex.” This is exceedingly broad and would include sinful behavior — a man sleeping with several different women, a husband cheating on his wife with another lady, and even a committed monogamous relationship between a cohabitating boyfriend and girlfriend.

Yet some Christians consider these “success” stories for same-sex-attracted individuals because they’re achieving their “heterosexual potential” (Shame and Attachment Loss, 24). But the Bible doesn’t bless every indiscriminate variety of opposite-sex relationship — whether incest (Genesis 19:31–36), or rape (Genesis 34:2), or prostitution (Luke 15:30), or adultery (Matthew 14:3–4), or sex before marriage (John 4:16–18).

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