I am not currently serving as a church pastor. Instead, my flock is 230+ hormonal teenagers and 25 teachers and staff in the Upper School at Whitefield Academy. Being away from a church pastorate gives me some freedom to talk openly about the unrealistic expectations we Christians place on our pastors and also to be honest about some of the unrealistic expectations pastors sometimes have of their people. I speak both from the perspective of having been a church pastor and from my current perspective as a church member.

Expectation Set #1: Your pastor is not Jesus.

1. We cannot expect our pastors to be perfect. Pastors are elders and, as such, they are subject to the requirement for the office of elder in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:6-9:

“. . . must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.” – Titus 1:7-9, ESV

Any human being who has a conscience is going to wrestle with the requirement to be “self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.” How perfectly can we expect anyone to fully embody these qualities? Only Jesus folly and perfectly fulfills the requirements for eldership in the Bible, which is why He alone is the Great Shepherd. Our pastors are mere men, growing in the Lord and striving after holiness like all other believers. Like other elders, they should be more mature in the faith, but we must never expect perfection of them.

2. We cannot expect our pastors to solve all of our problems and “make us better.” Pastors are called to be ministers of the Word and sacrament, which are important means of grace. As such, pastors are often graciously used of God to minister His grace to His people. As pastors preach, teach, visit, counsel, baptize and serve the Lord’s Supper, they are vessels of Holy Spirit-given grace, the applied grace of the Gospel, won by Jesus Christ for His people on the cross. 

Because God does use pastors to bless us and draw us closer to Himself, to strengthen us in the faith and minister His grace to us, we can be tempted to think of our pastors as our Saviors and to expect their words and their prayers to release us from bondage to sin and bring us into the glorious freedom of the children of God. But our pastors are not Jesus. They are vessels of the Holy Spirit, but they are not the Holy Spirit. We cannot put them in the place of Christ. That’s idolatry, and idolatry destroys both the idol and the idol-worshiper.

Conclusion: Perfection and salvation belong to Jesus alone. 

Expectation Set #2: Your pastor and his family are not the church.

1. The call to “bear one another’s burdens” is  not given to the pastor and his family alone. While pastors are to be hospitable, they are not the only ones in the church called to practice hospitality. While pastors do and should visit the sick and the shut-ins, they cannot carry the burden for the full visitation ministry of the church on their shoulders alone, or even primarily. Other in the church need to feel the burden to care for the flock through hospitality and visitation.

2. The call to reach your community is not given to the pastor alone. I believe pastors should be involved in evangelism. Paul charged Timothy in 2 Timothy 4 to “do the work of an evangelist,” which included preaching the Gospel to the church but also likely reaching out to those outside the church with the good news. However, we are all called to love our neighbors, to let our light so shine before others that they may  see our good works and glorify our Father in heaven.

3. We should give the pastor and his family the same considerations we give others in the church.Given the life stage of the pastor and his family, consideration for personal life circumstances should be given to them as we would want given to us. “Do to others as you would have them to do you” is appropriate to remember here as elsewhere in our lives. Does the pastor have young children? aging parents? financial pressures from kids in college? special needs children? health problems? Whatever the circumstances are, we should love our pastor and his family as we would want to be loved.

Conclusion: While the pastor is a vital member of the body of Christ, he is just that, a member, and not the whole body. 

Expectation Set #3: Pastors should have realistic expectations of the flock, too.

1. A pastor should not expect the elders and the congregation to never disagree with him. Pastors need to remember that they are fallible and that people have different perspectives and will disagree about many things from time to time. They need to be careful not to take such disagreements personally and seek to understand as much as to be understood.

2. A pastor should remember that the members of the church are often busy and over-scheduled. I remember well the crushing feeling of planning something that seemed really exciting and meaningful to me, only to have very few people show up and participate. I tended to take such non-participation as a personal rejection of my leadership. That was not fair for me to do. People are often busy and have many other obligations outside of church life. Not everyone will be able to make time for every new initiative and not every new idea the pastor has will work well. That’s just part of normal life together as a community.

3. A pastor should remember that he is called to serve the flock under his care and to feed them well. Jesus said, “The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28) He also said, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves. For who is the greater, one who reclines at table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at table? But I am among you as the one who serves.” (Luke 22:25-27, ESV) 

Taken too far and in our own strength, verses like this can quickly lead a pastor to burn-out. However, speaking personally, I was too often tempted to self-pity and an over-inflated sense of entitlement. I needed to be reminded regularly that I was called to be a servant (something I still struggle to remember as an educational pastor in a school-based ministry). 

Overall Conclusion: Both pastors and their churches would benefit from a regular and prayerful pondering of Philippians 2:1-11:

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name,  so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,  and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (ESV)

Jason A. Van Bemmel is a Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church in America. This article appeared on his blog Ponderings of a Pilgrim Pastor and is used with permission.