Just imagine if God operated like in this customer service experience. Asking for extra payment and then not fulfilling what he promised to do. When we raise it with him, he tells us to do something and then fails to fulfil that when we do it. When we seek redress, he kicks the can down the road and tells us to trust him, just keep waiting, even though all signs point to the fact that he is unreliable, self-interested and won’t actually come through. It would be a nightmare! Praise God that he asks nothing from us and always fulfils what he promises.

I’ve had a little frustrating customer service interaction recently. I wonder if you’ve ever had a similar experience to me.

I had placed an online order and, for a couple of different reasons, paid a bit extra for next day delivery. Only, the item didn’t arrive next day. It was no major issue for me, but it did seem appropriate to expect a refund for the extra cost of delivery that was not fulfilled. So, as you do, I went to deal with customer services.

Only, as is their wont these days, there is no customer service number so you can speak to a person. Oh no. There is a multiple choice, choose-your-own-adventure style set of questions. Is A your problem? How about B? Perhaps it’s C? Inevitably, none of the options were the actual problem. You have to click through the rigmarole of their multi-choice automated quiz to inevitably get to the point where they ask you, in that way which is both obtuse and seems purposeful, ‘did this resolve your query?’ when we all know it won’t have done!

Upon clicking ‘no’, you then get presented with the option of sending an email (which will not be replied to for days) or to ‘speak to a member of our team’. Not via phone, but using a chat box. But at least a real person at the end of it who can understand what the actual issue is. So, through I go, and I explain the problem. It isn’t a particularly difficult one: I ordered for next day delivery, it wasn’t delivered next day, can I get a refund on the delivery cost? Pretty simple.

‘We’re sorry your item hasn’t been delivered’, came the reply. ‘Just sit tight, wait a further 24 hours, and it should turn up’. But that isn’t why I was contacting you. I know couriers sometimes fail, I know waiting a bit longer means it should turn up, I appreciate it probably is still coming. My issue is that I paid extra for delivery within a timeframe that won’t be fulfilled. The courier has contacted me and said it will not be delivered today. I have proof in writing and everything. I am happy to sit tight for the delivery, I just want the extra money I paid for it being delivered quicker refunded.

‘We can’t do that yet’, I was told. ‘You have to wait 24 hours and then we will issue you a refund’. But the courier has told me they definitely will not deliver today. The day they promised to deliver and for which I paid more. ‘You have to wait for the delivery to actually fail next day before we can issue a refund. Wait 24 hours, then we’ll issue a refund.’ Annoying as that is, particularly with proof it won’t be delivered, there is some logic to it I suppose. I will check back in tomorrow.

So, the next day, I duly contact customer services again. I have to go through their multi-choice quiz that we know will not answer my query again. I eventually get through to a real person again. I explain the problem again: I paid for next day delivery, the item wasn’t delivered next day, we are 24 hours on from when it was due to be delivered, can you refund the delivery cost please?’

‘Hello sir. We would like to offer you an e-voucher for the failed delivery.’ Err, thanks? But no. I just want the delivery cost refunded because it hasn’t been delivered on time. I was told I could get the refund yesterday. ‘You can either get an e-voucher or a refund’. Oh right. Well, refund please. ‘Oh, well, we can’t process a refund yet. Wait 24 hours and then we can refund the delivery cost.’ Hang on, I was told yesterday I could have a refund if I wait 24 hours and now you are telling me to wait a further 24 hours in order to get the refund I was promised yesterday!

‘Just keep waiting, the item may well be delivered today’. I know it might – but that isn’t the point! I paid for delivery in a timeframe that wasn’t fulfilled, I was promised yesterday a refund if I just waited until today, I have done what you told me to do and now you are moving the goalposts on me again! ‘Couriers sometimes fail, don’t worry, it will come soon’. I know! I am not querying whether it might still arrive.

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